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harrypotter955

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harrypotter955

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2984
  • Number of comments : 72
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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harrypotter955's favorite FMLs

Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML

#20643431
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51252) - you deserved it (3842)

On 05/05/2013 at 4:49pm - kids - by Aunjy - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the river. She threw mud on me, so I playfully threw some on her, and we got into a mud fight. Apparently, she took the "fight" seriously, because I'm now single. FML

#20643291
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52335) - you deserved it (5532)

On 05/05/2013 at 3:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was out with my grandma when a pair of very shady guys approached us in the street, hands in their pockets. Without breaking stride, she pulled a knife out of her handbag and told them they'd better keep walking. They did. What the fuck, gran? FML

#20640901
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50044) - you deserved it (7073)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:05pm - misc - by emasculated 10000% (man) - Sweden (Kronobergs Lan)

Today, I had to share my room with my cousin while she stayed over. I let her take my bed while I slept on the floor. Not only do my back and neck hurt, but I had to clean vomit out of my hair. Apparently, she "wasn't feeling well" last night. FML

#20640612
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47680) - you deserved it (4134)

On 05/04/2013 at 9:32am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

#20612550
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32685) - you deserved it (111781)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

Today, my virginal girlfriend of a year graduated from veterinary school. She can shove her arm shoulder-deep up a cow's ass without blinking, but still feels too insecure to even touch my penis. FML

#20596452
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68557) - you deserved it (17858)

On 04/16/2013 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by Gurior - Canada

Today, my sister went into a blind rage at me for "upstaging" her by announcing that I'm pregnant, two months after she did the same. My husband and I have been trying for two years. She's in high school and doesn't even know who the father is. FML

#20590768
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69189) - you deserved it (3363)

On 04/14/2013 at 4:39pm - misc - by bntje (woman) - Netherlands (Overijssel)

Today, I was late to a lecture when I tripped up the stairs. With a few hundred people already staring and laughing at me, I started to curtsy to my "adoring fans" but instead fell backwards down the massive flight of stairs. FML

#20559000
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32469) - you deserved it (10948)

On 03/25/2013 at 2:03am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, when I got home, my child had three bruises. My babysitter's excuse? "She hit me first". FML

#20538066
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48283) - you deserved it (5990)

On 03/10/2013 at 12:08pm - kids - by Amanda - Canada

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

Today, I tried to pick up a girl by asking her what the time was as a conversation starter. She responded by telling me it was time to pick a girl more in my league. FML

#20537800
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31071) - you deserved it (8295)

On 03/10/2013 at 3:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after my 5-year-old finally got over his grandmother's death, we went to a store and saw a lady that looked exactly like her. She came up to us asking if we saw her grandson; I can't get my son to stop freaking out. FML

#20535134
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36837) - you deserved it (2156)

On 03/07/2013 at 8:55pm - kids - by Maxie - United States (Ohio)

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

#20529430
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31967) - you deserved it (5392)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:37pm - misc - by FUCKKKS (man) - United States

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

#20528184
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38370) - you deserved it (2948)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I asked my boyfriend where he went to lunch. He said he went to Wendy's. I teased him and asked if he got tired of eating burgers and Frosty's all the time. His response? "What? No, I mean at Wendy's. You know, the hot girl from work?" FML

#20524344
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35318) - you deserved it (5954)

On 02/27/2013 at 12:36pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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