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Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7514) - you totally deserved it (25325)
On 09/01/2009 at 6:21pm - misc - by becca1417 (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35811) - you totally deserved it (5774)
On 08/16/2009 at 3:05am - health - by irony (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35679) - you totally deserved it (3679)
On 08/14/2009 at 12:57pm - kids - by ohgod (woman) - United States (Iowa)
Today, while eating at a restaurant, I commented to the waiter about how large the pizza was. He then writes down his number, pats his crotch fondly, and informs me that "everything" I'm going to find at that restaurant is going to be big. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29302) - you totally deserved it (4219)
On 08/06/2009 at 11:05am - misc - by Screwupify (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (36743) - you totally deserved it (1526) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Herdad (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44643) - you totally deserved it (3391)
On 06/16/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by enderw (man) - United States
Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34646) - you totally deserved it (7531)
On 05/31/2009 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, while shopping in the FML store I bought the "Retro Sport Tee," I didn't notice you are suppose to put your own "FML" on the shirt. Mine says "Today, Your Text Here FML." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11970) - you totally deserved it (45463)
On 05/31/2009 at 8:03am - misc - by deucelututi - United States (New York)
Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43101) - you totally deserved it (2717)
On 05/28/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)
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