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hama806's favorite FMLs
Today, my stepdaughter called to say hello and to give me a warning: she will do whatever it takes to keep me from having a baby with her dad, including pushing me down the stairs. I'm 12 weeks pregnant, and we were going to tell her this weekend. I'm now petrified of a 10-year-old. FML
by AFEmoWifey / 10/09/2012 at 6:21am / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, I went to my gynecologist's for a check-up. After the doctor checked me I went to the bathroom. It turns out the walls aren't soundproofed, because I could hear the doctor telling his assistant, "God! How did she ever find a husband?" FML
by N/A / 09/25/2012 at 12:13am / Canada (Alberta) / Health
by Hairless freak / 09/23/2012 at 4:14am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to run an errand while my parents helped unpack boxes in my new house. When I returned, my dad said to me, "I wasn't going to say anything, but we 'did it.' I'll let you figure out which room". FML
by Anonymous / 09/23/2012 at 12:32am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my little black dresses and heels. He wanted to "see what the fuss was about." I would have been angry if the sight of him dressed like this hadn't turned me on more than he ever has in the 3 years we've been dating. FML
by ClaireBear150 / 09/19/2012 at 11:09pm / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, I was called into my 17-year-old son's high school. Why? Because it was Wednesday, also known as "Hump Day" and his friends managed to convince him that you're supposed to go around and hump people. FML
by Judy / 09/19/2012 at 7:33pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
by identitychangeplease / 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Intimacy
Today, feeling angry at the world, I threw a bottle, that had been clearly marked to be recycled, into a garbage can as an act of defiance. Minutes later, I guiltily retreated and spent the next few minutes with my entire arm stuck up the stinking ass of a city garbage can. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 11:58pm / United States (Iowa) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/12/2012 at 8:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Jessica S. / 09/06/2012 at 7:15am / United States (Kentucky) / Work
Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML
by WhyAppleWhy / 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by iliveintexas / 09/01/2012 at 10:09am / United States (Texas) / Health
by yonanon / 08/31/2012 at 8:02am / United States (Virginia) / Love
by fet / 08/23/2012 at 10:30am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/21/2012 at 1:39pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
- Today, my boyfriend and I ordered sex toys online and had them delivered to my dorm room. I put my… Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am.… Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and…