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hama806's favorite FMLs
by cassidy_smith12 / 08/24/2013 at 10:55am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I moved into my university dorm a week before classes start. Everyone kept giving me weird looks as they watched me move my stuff in. Finally, one of my dorm mates asked me if I knew that school had actually started last week. I didn't. FML
by Kingofbosses / 08/22/2013 at 1:31am / United States / Work
Today, I walked in on my brother smoking weed. He immediately tried to hide it by dropping it down his pants, still lit. Screaming in pain, he pulled down his pants. The ashes burned his knob. I had to take him to the emergency room. FML
by bluerhhajfk / 08/19/2013 at 7:29pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Health
by Kat_Styles / 07/19/2013 at 4:51am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, while out for lunch, a guy approached me and asked for my number. I politely declined. To my dismay, he dropped to his knees, grabbed his head, and started moaning about how nobody ever gives him a chance. I felt the accusing stares. FML
by Anonymous / 07/06/2013 at 7:26am / United States / Love
Today, I came home from work to find white fabric and crystals all over the apartment floor. I followed the trail of destruction to my bedroom, where my roommate had left our closet door open. Apparently, her cats decided that my wedding gown was to be their newest conquest. FML
by nakedweddingday / 07/03/2013 at 10:40pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, it was the second anniversary of the day I met my girlfriend. I had to go to work, but I set an engagement ring and a letter on my pillow for when she woke up, and left breakfast for her on the counter. When I got home, she and all of her things were gone. FML
by foreveralone / 06/23/2013 at 10:42am / United States / Love
Today, after cricket training, the homeless man that lives in the drain next to the nets threw a beer bottle full of piss at me for rejecting him for a date last week. I ducked; it sailed through my car’s open window and smashed all over the seats. FML
by Anonymous / 06/21/2013 at 5:04am / Australia (South Australia) / Transportation
Today, I discovered the source of the vile stench in my room. My daughter had "saved" a bird from our cat and put it in a box under my bed, hoping to nurse it back to health. She forgot about it, leaving the corpse rotting in there for who knows how long. FML
by Anonymous / 06/20/2013 at 12:54pm / Pakistan (Punjab) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend and I talked about our past relationships. He said he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was "too smart" for him, and that he felt better being with someone who "doesn't have too many lights on upstairs, if you know what I mean." FML
by ... / 06/16/2013 at 4:57pm / South Africa (Eastern Cape) / Love
by ididntevendrinkthatnight / 06/07/2013 at 1:14am / United States (New York) / Money
by DolphinGirl369 / 06/07/2013 at 12:33am / United States (Iowa) / Animals
by hesgonnahateme / 06/06/2013 at 1:08am / United States (Kentucky) / Work
by Applejacks18 / 06/06/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Montana) / Health
by butisavedyourkid / 06/06/2013 at 12:13am / United States / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…