This member hasn't filled in their description.
halley_raven's FML badges
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
The rules are the rules
Reading the comment rules is a really good idea. This badge is sponsored by our moderating team.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
halley_raven's favorite FMLs
Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML
by thegoldenboy3 / 02/12/2009 at 7:14am / Spain (Andalucia) / Intimacy
by Evil_Egbert / 02/12/2009 at 6:54am / Netherlands (Noord-Brabant) / Intimacy
by caroline / 02/06/2009 at 10:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by thermos / 02/03/2009 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by ally / 02/03/2009 at 2:34pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by Mavis / 02/03/2009 at 2:54am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by GavinHosler / 01/29/2009 at 4:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I picked up my cat and it went wild because I didn't know he was sleeping. I ended with with several cuts, and one on my wrist. Later a kid in my high school saw my wrist and told my guidance counselor who told my parents. Now everyone thinks I'm either a liar, attention whore, or emo. FML
by Anizzaf / 01/27/2009 at 12:44pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML
by killmyself / 01/23/2009 at 2:50pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I went to Target to buy some soap and this 65-70 year old woman next to me was asking a sales associate if they had any bubble bath mix. I suddenly pictured her naked, bathing herself and suddenly my dick just couldn't sit still. It's probably because I haven't had sex in over 22 months. FML
by fecurtis / 01/23/2009 at 3:36am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by TheEnglishOne / 01/22/2009 at 7:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was jerking one off and my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes... that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
by stanDman / 01/19/2009 at 1:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was having a cybersex chat with a "girl" on a website whilst at work. I noticed my colleague who sits next to me start cracking up with laughter. Turned out it was him I was chatting with and he was winding me up. Worst thing is it had given me a stiffy. FML
by diddlysquat / 01/14/2009 at 3:49am / United Kingdom (Wakefield) / Intimacy
- 1Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, eight tornados hit the town where I live. The only person who tried to get a hold of me and…