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halley_raven's favorite FMLs
Today, I heard an owl near my house. I got excited, as they are not common in the area, and I listened intently to try and locate the source of the sound. After a few minutes, I realized I was not listening to an owl, but to my mother's sex noises. FML
by movingout / 01/26/2013 at 6:50pm / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/26/2013 at 5:20pm / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Love
by Lauren324 / 01/26/2013 at 2:18am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Ear Invasion / 01/26/2013 at 12:53am / United States (New Mexico) / Animals
Today, my mom barged into my room at three in the morning, demanding to know where I'd been. I'd been in my room sleeping since ten o'clock. In that time she had called the police, all of my friends, and my ex-boyfriend, asking if I was with them. FML
by Sarah / 01/26/2013 at 12:14am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was suffering from an asthma attack, so I grabbed my inhaler and took a puff. This was probably very disturbing for the earwig which had somehow made my puffer its home, as I discovered when it shot into my mouth. FML
by asthmattack / 01/25/2013 at 1:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health
Today, I went to buy a birthday present for my boyfriend. While buying him a sweater, the cashier tried to up-sale me by asking if my boyfriend wore briefs or boxers, because both were on sale. Not thinking, I blurted out, "I don't know, they just come off." FML
by awkwardturtle / 01/25/2013 at 12:31am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML
by chase / 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Intimacy
by HereWeGoAgain / 01/24/2013 at 2:19am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
by black and yellow / 01/21/2013 at 1:32am / United States (California) / Love
by tingles / 01/19/2013 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Intimacy
by Keastwood013 / 01/18/2013 at 10:25am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking towards a party where I knew my cheating ex would be. I passionately rehearsed how I would have a go at him big time when I met him. Guess who was walking right behind me and heard it all. FML
by Shuttie / 01/18/2013 at 7:55am / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/18/2013 at 5:50am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/17/2013 at 5:43am / United States / Work
- Today, I’m on vacation in Peru in the Amazonian forest. I woke up in the middle of the night to the… Today, my phone provider informed me that I had 12 messages waiting for me on my voicemail. Happy… Today, I couldn't get into my car. I got mad at the lock, and my key broken inside it. It wasn't my…