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halley_raven's favorite FMLs
Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML
by littlemiss / 02/10/2013 at 11:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, my fiancé told me that it would be okay with him if I got plastic surgery to make my boobs larger. It would also be okay with him if I didn't get the surgery, but he would call off our engagement and never talk to me again. FML
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 11:11am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 12:13am / United States / Love
Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML
by Anonymous / 02/09/2013 at 12:08am / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Intimacy
Today, I was rehearsing for a school play. My drama teacher keeps criticising the part where I fake-trip, saying I make it look terribly fake. During today's rehearsal, I actually tripped for real, and smashed my kneecaps against the floor with a scream. He still said my "acting" sucked. FML
by Anonymous / 02/08/2013 at 8:00pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/08/2013 at 4:20pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by mydadsgonnakillme / 02/08/2013 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I won $50 on the lottery. On the subway home, I checked my pocket to see if the money was still there. A very professional man in a suit yelled, "Hey, that's mine!" I got several dirty glares. I'm such a pathetic wimp that I gave him the money. FML
by Anonymous / 02/07/2013 at 7:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money
by BonGoWash / 02/07/2013 at 9:45am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML
by chattyloz / 02/07/2013 at 7:31am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by fviz / 02/07/2013 at 4:51am / United States / Miscellaneous
by dab1230 / 02/06/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by PokeWife / 02/06/2013 at 8:38am / United States (Nebraska) / Love
Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML
by Anonymous / 02/06/2013 at 6:12am / United States / Kids
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
by NewlyDread / 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
- Today,a woman began screaming at me for 15 minutes at the restaurant I work at. The reason why? I… Today, I am at work as a programmer. It's 32°C/90°F outside and my coworker needs to have 3 desktop… Today my dog left a present for me at the top of the stairs. I didn't turn on the lights when I was…