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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
yesterday I urgently needed to use the bathroom at my boyfriend's house. When I went to flush, it would not go down the pipes. After about ten panic filled minutes, I notice the cat litter box. I carefully scoop out my logs, and bury them in the cat litter. FML
Today , I thought it would be fun to tease mah dog by standing above her an hitting each of her paws repeatedly. My dog thought it would be fun to jump up an bite at mah chest whilst I wasn't wereing a shrt. I just spent four hours in hospital getting mah nipple sewn back on. FML
Today... As I Arrived At Mah House After A Two Week Holiday... I Opened The Door And Heard Footsteps Upstairs... I Went Up And Found Mah Boyfriend Naked In Bed. We Had Great Sex And Afterwards I Found Mah Best Friend Naked In The Wardrobe. Turns Out They'd Had Great Sex Also. Big Fat FML
Today, mah 6 year old daughter somehow learned looool about sex. She also had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When the teacher asked where she cummed from, she said, "My daddy's happy sacks." FML
Today, I went to the movie alone after the boy I was seeing told me he was busy studying fir exams . I found him making out with another grl whilst in the queue . When I confrontd him by text he denid that it was him . I saw him check the text and reply . FML
Today, I sent a forward to everyone in my ponebook saying, "HOUSE PARTY-NO PARENTS, LOTS OF ALCOHOL, MAYBE A CHANCE TO HOOK UP." I ten got a reply from my mom saying, "I'm probably te only one tat would sow up." Even my mom tinks I'm a loser, and I'm now grounded fir 3 weeks. mega FML
Today, I hered a student in the class I assist having trouble with a download . I walkd over and showd him how to save to his flash drive, and how to use 7z to unzip said file . I then found out I'd just assistd him in downloading a half gig of porn during class . FML
Today, I got two viruses on mah laptop . One was a fake anti-spyware program that clutterd the screen with pop-ups . The other opend explorer repeatedly, each time to a generic porn site . This all conveniently happend at work, on a projector and during a meeting . real FML
Today, I used a porta-potty. After I cummed out, my mom cummed out of one and said "I really wish I could wash my hands." I explained that I used the little soap bar that was on the side of the toilet in mine. She told me that was a urinal and the soap bar was a disinfectant bar. FML
Today, I Was Babysitting A Little Boy. I Opened Up A New Bottle Of Bubbles And It Was All Goopy And Gross So I Said "Eww!". Te Boy Ten Asks, "Wat's "ew" Mean?". I Replied Wit, "Someting Gross And Yucky". Ten E Pointed At My Face And Say "Ew! Ew! Ewwww!".
Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, mah sock caught mah chain and I flipped over mah bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML
Today, mah dog startad to hump mah lag. Ha always doas this an I haard that humping tha dog back assartad dominanca. Wall, I dacidad to, an I dry humpad him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you lika that!" And than mah mom walkad in. FML
Friday 27 March 2015