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guitarfreak664

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guitarfreak664's favorite FMLs

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

#20668938
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40920) - you deserved it (5093)

On 05/17/2013 at 12:16pm - misc - by jessinono (woman) - United States

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

#20668540
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56350) - you deserved it (4768)

On 05/17/2013 at 3:21am - intimacy - by Uncomfortable (woman) -

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

#20516035
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39130) - you deserved it (10337)

On 02/21/2013 at 8:43am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Idaho)

Today, the iPhone app I downloaded that plays cricket noises during the night, has attracted a horde of actual crickets into my bedroom. FML

#20062154
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12562) - you deserved it (24008)

On 09/07/2012 at 6:32pm - misc - by Gurl - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14785) - you deserved it (38453)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my husband informed me that he has been purposely finishing before me in bed as a form of punishment for beating him at Mario Kart. FML

#19563136
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31491) - you deserved it (6141)

On 05/02/2012 at 11:46am - intimacy - by winnerwinner (woman) - United States

Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML

#19455929
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14514) - you deserved it (34436)

On 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

#19297004
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26586) - you deserved it (4423)

On 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm - love - by Brian - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend asked me for a blow job. After I said "no" over ten times, he decided to get up and slap me across the face with his penis. FML

#18744677
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49217) - you deserved it (46270)

On 01/08/2012 at 9:36am - intimacy - by omgwhyme (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I invited a few of my co-workers over to play video games. Within an hour, my wife had gotten drunk, grabbed my controller, told me to "get back in the kitchen", and described to everyone in blood-chilling detail how she took her first boyfriend's virginity. FML

#18591891
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27764) - you deserved it (3325)

On 12/23/2011 at 7:26pm - misc - by ThinZ (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

#18540980
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30964) - you deserved it (2402)

On 12/18/2011 at 12:18am - misc - by scammed - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I noticed an old bell at the bar so I rang it. It turns out that when you ring the bell, you buy shots for the whole bar. FML

#18433358
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14274) - you deserved it (43806)

On 12/05/2011 at 12:41am - money - by Christina - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while spooning my spouse, I was awakened in the wee hours by a huge, junk-rattling fart. This has happened numerous times since she became a vegetarian. FML

#18135742
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28205) - you deserved it (3323)

On 11/02/2011 at 1:06am - misc - by steve-o - United States

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

#18041675
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20299) - you deserved it (33652)

On 10/21/2011 at 9:33pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was at my job in the Halloween store. I had to tell someone, "Please stop hitting the Bieber wig with that pimp cane." FML



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