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goldfishgod

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goldfishgod

2Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 24 September 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3339
  • Number of comments : 83
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About goldfishgod : Fueled exclusively by beer and horror films.

goldfishgod's page activity

Visits<b>Niz_DD</b> - yesterday at 6:18am<b>devildog562</b> - the 11/17/2014 at 7:47pm<b>angiotensin</b> - the 11/16/2014 at 10:07pm<b>LegitxNuke</b> - the 11/14/2014 at 11:32pm<b>11bGrunT</b> - the 10/12/2014 at 3:38pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 10/03/2014 at 9:38pm<b>monstermatt001</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 8:58pm<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 4:35am<b>elkelk</b> - the 08/27/2014 at 2:13am<b>Hertyn</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 12:02pm<b>Karenezzy</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 4:23am<b>slightlyins4ne</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 6:03pm<b>spork_of_doom</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 11:09pm<b>hailey2649</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 7:56pm<b>Johnny_Boy_Jr</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 1:08am<b>hduebdo</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 12:36pm<b>Aliceexox</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 8:36pm<b>zingline89</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 9:55am

Liked!<b>monstermatt001</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 2:58am<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 10:35am

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You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

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goldfishgod's favorite FMLs

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

#2919658
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26289) - you deserved it (46416)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:18pm - intimacy - by kitkat545 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

#2308066
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71261) - you deserved it (18462)

On 05/26/2009 at 12:53pm - intimacy - by alexis89 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML

#1592701
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23470) - you deserved it (82957)

On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML

#1466459
299 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18599) - you deserved it (89432)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went on a date with this girl I met online. The conversation drifted and we were talking about how we'd prefer to die, if we had a choice. I said, "I want to skydive over the ocean without a parachute." She said she wants to be made into a wallet. FML

#849037
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55297) - you deserved it (8877)

On 04/07/2009 at 3:08am - love - by no_leather_of_any_kind - United States (Oregon)

Today, I passed the girl I like a note asking her out, signed Mark H. She picked it up, read it, turned around and asked me, "Do you know who Mark H. is?" FML

#761502
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67916) - you deserved it (7073)

On 04/02/2009 at 1:35am - misc - by SupaSu - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, our school had tryouts for chorus. Everybody sang a snippet of the song together until the teacher stopped us, saying it sounded awful. He singled me out and told me to sing alone. After I sang the part, he said, "Son, your gift to God will be silence." FML

#420059
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66861) - you deserved it (7070)

On 03/17/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Sebastian (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

#319539
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18314) - you deserved it (190244)

On 03/14/2009 at 11:16am - love - by Noname (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the fitting room of the store I worked in smelled really bad. The customers started to complain and since I was on fitting room duty I went to go investigate. A middle aged woman pooped on the floor and then put the chair on top to cover it. FML

#181468
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100131) - you deserved it (4341)

On 03/02/2009 at 8:38am - work - by fittingroompotty (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the fitting room of the store I worked in smelled really bad. The customers started to complain and since I was on fitting room duty I went to go investigate. A middle aged woman pooped on the floor and then put the chair on top to cover it. FML

#181468
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100131) - you deserved it (4341)

On 03/02/2009 at 8:38am - work - by fittingroompotty (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I met this really attractive guy who introduced himself as Wyan. He was really cool and sweet and we got along pretty well. Then someone informed me that his name is Ryan and that he has a speech impediment, AFTER I had been referring to him as Wyan for quite some time. FML

#150793
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46226) - you deserved it (13533)

On 02/27/2009 at 2:58am - love - by hellosaila (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was DJ'ing a wedding. The groom wanted a song played for his grandma and grandpa. I announce over the microphone for his grandparents to come to the dance floor for a special song. Turns out his grandparents have been dead for over a year and the song was supposed to be in dedication. FML

#116388
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49006) - you deserved it (9159)

On 02/23/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by holladaddy (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while changing my tampon in the stall of my high school's bathroom, I lost control of the plastic applicator. The blood-covered apparatus shot out like a rocket underneath the stall door. For a moment I thought no one noticed, then the screaming began. FML

#99894
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50127) - you deserved it (5293)

On 02/21/2009 at 10:16pm - misc - by isuckatlife (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML

#3778
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17672) - you deserved it (2468)

On 01/30/2009 at 1:18pm - animals - by Noname - Canada (Ontario)



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