goldfishgod

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goldfishgod

13Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 24 September 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5061
  • Number of comments : 83
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About goldfishgod : Fueled exclusively by beer and horror films.

goldfishgod's page activity

Visits<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 1:27pm<b>KappaTrappa</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 9:02am<b>Eliteperson46</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 9:35pm<b>walker9879</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 8:27am<b>rivimatt</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 10:28am<b>Death_The_Kid15</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 8:07pm<b>SorrowsReward</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 5:49am<b>Leanne798</b> - the 02/19/2016 at 1:17am<b>molloy2</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 7:38am<b>ballsacks33</b> - the 02/13/2016 at 6:29pm<b>sarika</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 5:30pm<b>heroqucas</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 5:36am<b>Niz_DD</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:15pm<b>metallicsounds</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 1:26pm<b>Eggers5</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 8:52pm<b>SourPatchTeen</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 11:50pm<b>savagetitan</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 9:36pm<b>GrimaSlayer</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 5:54pm

Fucked!<b>savagetitan</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 3:36am<b>stereofeathers</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 2:32pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 4:54am<b>Coachjoost79</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 5:16am<b>khoov19</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 2:19am<b>mrowl96</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 8:53pm<b>rogwest</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 7:50pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 11:37pm<b>sdwsdwsdw</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 3:57pm<b>MagicPotatoe</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 1:48am<b>Radgears47</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 10:06pm<b>monstermatt001</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 2:58am<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 10:35am

goldfishgod's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of goldfishgod's badges

goldfishgod's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML

by budbunny13 / 06/30/2011 at 7:08pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend caught me in a lie about being on my period. He memorized my menstrual cycle, but still forgot that today is my birthday. FML

by cek4uytp / 06/25/2011 at 2:02am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML

by Anonymous / 06/24/2011 at 5:22pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I discovered my wife has a YouTube channel dedicated to 20 second videos of her wearing a fake mustache and making weird sounds. FML

by wtfiswrongwithher / 05/07/2011 at 9:56am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML

by anon / 03/05/2011 at 5:15am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was asked out by a guy I've liked since the beginning of the year. All I could say was, "I have to pee", and ran into the men's bathroom. FML

by blaahh / 02/18/2011 at 8:35pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I found my mom eating cat biscuits. We don't have a cat. FML

by Aled / 02/17/2011 at 11:33am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Animals

Today, while in my room sleeping, my little brother deemed it necessary to come in and drop a book on my face. When I sat up with a now bloody nose, he looked at me, pointed, and said "You've just been facebooked" and ran away giggling. FML

by Malakai / 02/02/2011 at 12:57am / United States / Kids

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when he started shaking really hard. When I asked him what he was doing, he simply said "I want to be better than your vibrator!" FML

by Heyy / 11/24/2010 at 12:55pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I went to use the public restroom. As I saw the toilet paper was out, I could see there was some hanging down from the other stall. As I went to grab it, I felt a hand grab mine and a voice ask seductively, "what were you reaching for?" FML

by reesemaster / 11/22/2010 at 7:18pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I failed my trigonometry exam because my scientific calculator was on the wrong setting. FML

by trigfail / 09/25/2010 at 4:57am / New Zealand (Taranaki) / Geek

Today, I woke up to the sound of something hitting my bedroom wall outside. I could see my boyfriend's car from the window, so I assumed he was throwing pebbles to get my attention. I opened the window and an egg flew in. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2010 at 4:30pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, in math class, I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly. FML

by fartwoman / 06/22/2010 at 9:41pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

by anonymous / 03/14/2010 at 10:49am / United States / Geek

Today, I was on the city bus, and there was a woman and her child sitting behind me. I began to feel tugging on my jacket so I leaned forward, assuming the child was pulling at my jacket. I sat back and felt the tugging again. After a couple of minutes, I heard the mother say "stop chewing on that!" FML

by nd.11 / 03/01/2010 at 11:59am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids