About goldfishgod : Fueled exclusively by beer and horror films.
goldfishgod's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
goldfishgod's favorite FMLs
by jshibbz0993 / 11/23/2011 at 10:16am / United States (Florida) / Money
by Anonymous / 11/21/2011 at 5:39pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, I was naked, still deciding what to wear, when the doorbell rang. I grabbed the closest thing to cover up with: my Snuggie. I answered the door, it was kids asking for donations. Without thinking, I turned around to grab my purse. FML
by anonymous / 11/15/2011 at 10:17pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
by Margo / 11/15/2011 at 10:16am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
Today, as a support worker, I spent 45 minutes making various attempts to calm a violent autistic kid. Just as soon as I was sure the crisis was over, he beat me as hard as he could with the "Things I Can Do When I'm Mad" book I'd given him. FML
by metallifreak44 / 11/14/2011 at 8:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/14/2011 at 12:23am / United States (Ohio) / Love
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
by kdeeeceee / 11/09/2011 at 12:59am / United States / Love
by Username / 10/03/2011 at 1:58pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by FullOfNick / 09/10/2011 at 3:11am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, desperate after a very painful breakup, I poured my heart and soul out to my old teddy bear. When I finished, I asked what he would do in my situation. Right on cue, a gust of wind came through the window and sent him falling off the windowsill and crashing head-first onto the floor. FML
by fugachumi / 08/07/2011 at 4:08am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/05/2011 at 4:25pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by soccerbuddyz / 08/03/2011 at 12:04am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by davidthegreat / 07/05/2011 at 4:27am / Japan / Intimacy
Today, I was rushed to the emergency room. Apparently, there is only one serious side effect of getting your tonsils out when you're an adult, which is only seen in about 1% of patients: bleeding of the throat. It can be deadly. I'm part of that 1%. FML
by blahdyblahblah33 / 07/02/2011 at 8:22pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, my dad asked me for a word that rhymes with vagina. He was filling out an anniversary card… Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Right as I was really getting into it, he pauses, frowns,… Today, out of my bedroom window, I can see my next door neighbour's window. On his ledge, I can see…