About goldfishgod : Fueled exclusively by beer and horror films.
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Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
goldfishgod's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 03/06/2012 at 11:03pm / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, I was having a pleasant jog, that is until I was struck by the terrible feeling of an oncoming turd. Being only about 20 minutes from home, I thought I could make it back without letting the beast out. I was so wrong. The only thing I'm grateful for is that I was carrying the Sunday paper. FML
by fingerhut / 03/03/2012 at 3:27am / United States (California) / Health
by sadgirl / 02/28/2012 at 10:51am / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous
by malloreigh / 02/28/2012 at 12:19am / Australia / Miscellaneous
Today, Target asked me if I would do the closing announcement. I've only been working there a little while, so excited I agreed. I told people, "The store is now closing, thank you for shopping at Walmart." FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2012 at 9:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, in the midst of having sex, my boyfriend decided that, as a joke, he would pretend to be a zombie whilst going down on me. Sadly, the thought turned me so much that I came. This was the first orgasm he's ever given me in over a year of dating. FML
by lotrgeek / 02/13/2012 at 8:37am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Kevin / 02/13/2012 at 1:00am / United States / Love
by Anonymoose / 12/25/2011 at 6:39am / Switzerland (Zurich) / Animals
by LogicalMolly / 12/13/2011 at 12:16am / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by flowerchildd2 / 12/12/2011 at 6:17pm / United States (Colorado) / Transportation
Today, my coworker friend told me she was going to the restroom. Soon after, I did the same. Once in the stall, I could smell a stench emanating from the next one. I yelled, "Ew, you stinky bitch" and sprayed air freshener under the partition. As I left the stall, my friend walked into the restroom. FML
by stinky / 12/11/2011 at 11:46pm / United States (Indiana) / Work
Today, in geometry class, we were working in dead silence. Apparently my phone wasn't on vibrate, and I received 25 texts all at once, while it blasted "Hakuna Matataaaa" out of my back pocket. They weren't even texts from friends, just Facebook notifications. FML
by Makala / 12/03/2011 at 3:15am / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Miscellaneous
by unknown52 / 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm / Netherlands (Overijssel) / Health
by Anonymous / 11/24/2011 at 10:51pm / United States / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…