About goldfishgod : Fueled exclusively by beer and horror films.
goldfishgod's FML badges
Keen reader – Level: master ninja
You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
goldfishgod's favorite FMLs
Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML
by Brian / 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm / United States (Washington) / Love
Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML
by Bebefer / 03/15/2012 at 3:49am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was watching a kid at school walk like a gangster. My teacher was standing there, so I stood behind the kid and walked like him, laughing to myself, at which point my teacher took me to one side and told me the kid was handicapped. FML
by BBFreak97 / 03/14/2012 at 4:13pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got my braces put on. This is the second time I've had them. The first time was after my cousin opened a car door in my face. This time a jock punched me in the mouth for saying that Reese's taste the same as Snickers peanut butter. FML
by braceface / 03/14/2012 at 4:12pm / United States / Health
by CierraJordan / 03/14/2012 at 7:31am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
Today, a Russian guy came up to me on the train and informed me that I look exactly like a typical Russian woman. He then went on to explain that I even had enough fat to survive their cold winters. FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2012 at 2:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by PixieWrists / 03/13/2012 at 1:33pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Health
Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML
by dumbfriend / 03/12/2012 at 3:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/11/2012 at 7:19pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, at work at a gas station kiosk, a man requested a carton of cigarettes. We keep our cigarettes on a high shelf. I'm short and very large chested so I have to jump in order to reach the carton. He said, "I only come here for the entertainment" and left without purchasing his cigarettes. FML
by aprilmay91 / 03/11/2012 at 8:38am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 2:23am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
by atsukobo / 03/10/2012 at 1:04am / United States / Love
Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML
by Anonymous / 03/09/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to use the restroom while at work. I had the choice of the stall with a broken lock, or the stall with a huge crack in the partition wall. Not two minutes after I sat down, I noticed someone peeking in. FML
by Me / 03/07/2012 at 1:24pm / United States / Work
by whatawaste / 03/07/2012 at 11:25am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous