goldfishgod

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goldfishgod

14Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 24 September 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5193
  • Number of comments : 83
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About goldfishgod : Fueled exclusively by beer and horror films.

goldfishgod's page activity

Visits<b>DrafteeSelf</b> - the 06/24/2016 at 12:46pm<b>jbuckets_404</b> - the 06/11/2016 at 3:44am<b>four0seven</b> - the 06/09/2016 at 6:56pm<b>Jrsmommy2014</b> - the 06/03/2016 at 2:26pm<b>dommie919</b> - the 06/02/2016 at 9:07am<b>PresAgent</b> - the 06/01/2016 at 12:11am<b>Roxas_hearts</b> - the 05/29/2016 at 11:43pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 1:27pm<b>KappaTrappa</b> - the 05/20/2016 at 9:02am<b>Eliteperson46</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 9:35pm<b>walker9879</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 8:27am<b>rivimatt</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 10:28am<b>Death_The_Kid15</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 8:07pm<b>SorrowsReward</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 5:49am<b>Leanne798</b> - the 02/19/2016 at 1:17am<b>molloy2</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 7:38am<b>ballsacks33</b> - the 02/13/2016 at 6:29pm<b>sarika</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 5:30pm

Fucked!<b>jbuckets_404</b> - the 06/11/2016 at 9:44am<b>savagetitan</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 3:36am<b>stereofeathers</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 2:32pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 4:54am<b>Coachjoost79</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 5:16am<b>khoov19</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 2:19am<b>mrowl96</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 8:53pm<b>rogwest</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 7:50pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 11:37pm<b>sdwsdwsdw</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 3:57pm<b>MagicPotatoe</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 1:48am<b>Radgears47</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 10:06pm<b>monstermatt001</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 2:58am<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 10:35am

goldfishgod's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of goldfishgod's badges

goldfishgod's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

by Brian / 03/17/2012 at 10:32pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my mother and I went to a meeting at my school about a camping trip the students in my grade will be going on. When the time to ask questions came, my mother raised her hand and loudly asked, "What if my child is on their period during the trip?" FML

by Bebefer / 03/15/2012 at 3:49am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was watching a kid at school walk like a gangster. My teacher was standing there, so I stood behind the kid and walked like him, laughing to myself, at which point my teacher took me to one side and told me the kid was handicapped. FML

by BBFreak97 / 03/14/2012 at 4:13pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got my braces put on. This is the second time I've had them. The first time was after my cousin opened a car door in my face. This time a jock punched me in the mouth for saying that Reese's taste the same as Snickers peanut butter. FML

by braceface / 03/14/2012 at 4:12pm / United States / Health

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the world did not used to be black and white. It was just the pictures that were. She still doesn't believe me. She's eighteen. FML

by CierraJordan / 03/14/2012 at 7:31am / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous

Today, a Russian guy came up to me on the train and informed me that I look exactly like a typical Russian woman. He then went on to explain that I even had enough fat to survive their cold winters. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2012 at 2:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML

by PixieWrists / 03/13/2012 at 1:33pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Health

Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML

by dumbfriend / 03/12/2012 at 3:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I watched Gigli. FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2012 at 7:19pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work at a gas station kiosk, a man requested a carton of cigarettes. We keep our cigarettes on a high shelf. I'm short and very large chested so I have to jump in order to reach the carton. He said, "I only come here for the entertainment" and left without purchasing his cigarettes. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was time to lose our virginity. After our clothes were removed, we spent 30 minutes trying to figure out how to actually have sex, and eventually gave up. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 2:23am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was half asleep and tried to cuddle my husband as we slept. Still dreaming, he yelled for me to leave his money alone. FML

by atsukobo / 03/10/2012 at 1:04am / United States / Love

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2012 at 5:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to use the restroom while at work. I had the choice of the stall with a broken lock, or the stall with a huge crack in the partition wall. Not two minutes after I sat down, I noticed someone peeking in. FML

by Me / 03/07/2012 at 1:24pm / United States / Work

Today, I went to the dorm showers to use the facilities. As I was getting in the shower, I slipped and landed face first into a puddle. It wasn't water. FML

by whatawaste / 03/07/2012 at 11:25am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.