About goldfishgod : Fueled exclusively by beer and horror films.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
I NEED to know!
You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23416) - you deserved it (2004)
On 06/24/2012 at 10:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9180) - you deserved it (17154)
Today, after a very painful mouth surgery, I went home to take a nap. Then my nose started bleeding, so I stuck a tissue in it and fell asleep. When I woke up, I was so high from painkillers that when I saw the tissue, I thought it was a ghost. I screamed so loud I burst a stitch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24444) - you deserved it (3292)
On 06/07/2012 at 2:12pm - health - by LaurenB (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24824) - you deserved it (2159)
On 06/04/2012 at 12:34am - misc - by whattheheck - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, Child Protective Services came to my house, because my 7-year-old son told people at school that he was uncomfortable sleeping in his uncle's bed. I had to explain to them that the uncle in question died 2 years ago, and that's why it felt weird. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25454) - you deserved it (1938)
On 06/01/2012 at 3:02am - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, while sitting in my Forensic Psychology class, my professor listed all of the main traits that indicate someone may very well be a sociopath. Every single trait described my fiancé perfectly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20426) - you deserved it (3784)
On 05/31/2012 at 2:50am - love - by Getmeout (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my 14-year-old brother told me he needed help with something "very personal." Thinking he wanted girlfriend advice or something, I said, "Sure, no problem". He wanted me to shave his butt crack. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18963) - you deserved it (1873)
On 05/29/2012 at 6:40pm - kids - by liquid_sasquatch - United States
Today, I was on an airplane, waiting to go to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the man behind me asked what I was waiting for, and checked the bathroom. It was empty, and there was a big line behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6124) - you deserved it (16080)
On 05/10/2012 at 9:09am - misc - by Anonymous - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, the Star Wars Cantina song had been stuck in my head since I woke up, as my brother was humming it. I finally managed to get it out of my head. Then my mom started to whistle it. It's stuck in my head again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12015) - you deserved it (3022)
On 05/07/2012 at 7:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I saw a picture of a dude on a Harley on my friend's wall. I asked her if it was Dog the bounty hunter. It wasn't, it was her aunt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13890) - you deserved it (2833)
On 04/23/2012 at 10:12pm - misc - by GogoTheGreat - United States (Texas)
Today, I was trying on some clothes in the store's changing room, when someone reached under the door and grabbed my purse, shoes, and pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18451) - you deserved it (1788)
On 04/22/2012 at 3:08pm - misc - by Gitana (woman) - Spain (Navarra)
Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19547) - you deserved it (4302) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/18/2012 at 4:41pm - work - by bibou2324 -
Today, I was in the car with my daughter, when I narrowly missed hitting a car after running a stop sign. After she screamed at me and demanded to know what I was doing, I had to admit that I'd been daydreaming about David Bowie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3746) - you deserved it (18314)
On 04/16/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by DJ Clitter (man) - United States
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (9720) - you deserved it (40023) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France
Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML
I agree, your life sucks (11626) - you deserved it (29655)
On 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Monday 17 June 2013
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