goldfishgod

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goldfishgod

13Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 24 September 1990 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 4996
  • Number of comments : 83
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

About goldfishgod : Fueled exclusively by beer and horror films.

goldfishgod's page activity

Visits<b>walker9879</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 8:27am<b>rivimatt</b> - the 04/22/2016 at 10:28am<b>Death_The_Kid15</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 8:07pm<b>SorrowsReward</b> - the 02/25/2016 at 5:49am<b>Leanne798</b> - the 02/19/2016 at 1:17am<b>molloy2</b> - the 02/16/2016 at 7:38am<b>ballsacks33</b> - the 02/13/2016 at 6:29pm<b>sarika</b> - the 01/25/2016 at 5:30pm<b>heroqucas</b> - the 01/19/2016 at 5:36am<b>Niz_DD</b> - the 01/18/2016 at 8:15pm<b>metallicsounds</b> - the 01/14/2016 at 1:26pm<b>Eggers5</b> - the 01/07/2016 at 8:52pm<b>SourPatchTeen</b> - the 12/30/2015 at 11:50pm<b>savagetitan</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 9:36pm<b>GrimaSlayer</b> - the 12/16/2015 at 5:54pm<b>jill97</b> - the 12/12/2015 at 8:20am<b>papygeorges</b> - the 12/06/2015 at 5:56pm<b>HarshD9619</b> - the 11/16/2015 at 11:41pm

Fucked!<b>savagetitan</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 3:36am<b>stereofeathers</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 2:32pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/15/2015 at 4:54am<b>Coachjoost79</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 5:16am<b>khoov19</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 2:19am<b>mrowl96</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 8:53pm<b>rogwest</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 7:50pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 11:37pm<b>sdwsdwsdw</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 3:57pm<b>MagicPotatoe</b> - the 05/08/2015 at 1:48am<b>Radgears47</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 10:06pm<b>monstermatt001</b> - the 09/20/2014 at 2:58am<b>Mr_Saikaly</b> - the 09/02/2014 at 10:35am

goldfishgod's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

See all of goldfishgod's badges

goldfishgod's favorite FMLs

Today, my colleagues and I found out that our boss has been taking business advice from an astrologer as well as a soothsayer. FML

by CrystalsDontWork / 09/18/2013 at 2:34am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. -Mom and Dad." FML

by anon / 09/09/2013 at 11:15am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I had to clean human excrement at work when the fitting room turned into the shitting room. FML

by lifesucks0925 / 09/06/2013 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I went downstairs a little after midnight to grab a snack, and in the dark hallway, I clearly saw a small child walk into the kitchen. I was freaked out, but I followed him in. There was nobody in the room. I'm now too scared to sleep, and am seriously considering moving house. FML

by fsfs / 08/17/2013 at 12:27pm / Germany (Schleswig-Holstein) / Miscellaneous

Today, someone told me that my initials really fit my personality. I took it as a strange compliment, until I realized my initials spell "ew". FML

by ew / 08/11/2013 at 9:09am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML

by Aliiiice / 07/16/2013 at 9:18am / France (Haute-Normandie) / Health

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

by Anonymous / 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm / United States / Holidays

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out, I snatched a pair of my wife's panties. Later, we had a cook out for my birthday, where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2013 at 2:39pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to pick up my 6-year-old son from his friend's house. They were having a great time, and he didn't want to leave. So, while I wasn't looking, he superglued both his hands to their kitchen table. FML

by firestar772 / 06/12/2013 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my friend got dumped. I wanted to say, "You must be devastated", thinking, "That really sucks." I said, "You must really suck." FML

by Oops / 06/10/2013 at 7:22am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was delivering pizza. When I went up to the front door, an elderly lady answered. She was wearing a floral dress that went down to her shins and had a Nicolas Cage mask on with eye holes cut out. When I glanced behind her, I saw her cats had them too. FML

by nicholascageonyourface / 06/09/2013 at 1:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized my family is the textbook definition of redneck after listening to my grandpa threaten to smash with an excavator the trailer that my uncle lives in behind our house if he didn't return the set of tires he had stolen and pawned from my grandpa's garage. FML

by redneckfamily / 05/24/2013 at 3:06am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML

by SecondBest,IGuess / 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm / United States / Intimacy