About goldfishgod : Fueled exclusively by beer and horror films.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
I NEED to know!
You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.
YDI master
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Today, I got home from work and found my girlfriend waiting for me in some skimpy lingerie. She ended up pushing me onto the bed, and as I lay there, expecting to be pleasured, she pulled out a pair of adult-sized footsie pajamas and dressed me in them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45898) - you deserved it (5560)
On 04/30/2013 at 2:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my boyfriend was watching TV, when we started getting frisky. I'd just started to give him a blowjob when he pushed me off and said, "Fun's over." Dragon Ball Z had just come back on. He's 21. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43195) - you deserved it (10257)
On 04/30/2013 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by SecondBest,IGuess (woman) - United States
Today, the power was out. I tried to explain to my boyfriend that he wouldn't be able to watch any TV until the power came back on. His response was, "But we have Netflix." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32355) - you deserved it (4366)
Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12103) - you deserved it (26984)
On 04/08/2013 at 3:20pm - misc - by nosey (woman) - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)
Today, I shaved my pubic area for my fiancé. He told me it looked "like Frodo tried to hack off Gandalf's beard with Gimli's ax." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32291) - you deserved it (7299)
On 04/08/2013 at 5:17am - intimacy - by dancekat (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30153) - you deserved it (2801)
On 03/29/2013 at 1:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my German Shepherd decided to bark at, then attack, a painted rock. At least I know I'm protected from inanimate objects. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21223) - you deserved it (1883)
On 03/26/2013 at 5:17pm - animals - by whykarma (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, while working in childcare, we went to a farm so the kids could see how things worked. They started showing off prize winning cattle and when they bought out "Miss Stacey", the kids lost their shit. My name is Miss Stacey. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26617) - you deserved it (1909)
On 03/19/2013 at 1:00am - work - by seriously! - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25323) - you deserved it (2071)
On 03/02/2013 at 11:18pm - misc - by jkbeynon - United States (California)
Today, I received a chain-mail text that vividly described what "Tanya" would do to me in my sleep if I didn't forward it on. I'm so paranoid that I did just that. I also realized that accidentally forwarding such things to your boss can get you fired. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8104) - you deserved it (6861)
On 03/01/2013 at 11:35am - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20600) - you deserved it (12239)
On 02/12/2013 at 3:04am - misc - by Thai rice mistake - United States (California)
Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19093) - you deserved it (4159)
On 12/10/2012 at 12:10am - money - by hailey - United States (Maryland)
I agree, your life sucks (18574) - you deserved it (2404)
On 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm - love - by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck (woman) - United States (California)
Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23456) - you deserved it (2546)
On 11/25/2012 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)
Today, I went to see a movie with three of my friends, and I was sharing popcorn with one of them. Halfway through the movie, my friend asked me why I wasn't eating our popcorn. I then realised I'd been taking popcorn from the man sitting next to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18573) - you deserved it (5207)
On 11/12/2012 at 12:27pm - misc - by mm (woman) - United Kingdom (Warrington)
Monday 20 May 2013
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