I'm fucking awesome, more awesome than you.
I think moderated comments are the single most retarded thing on this site.
I'm in love with my best friend Sam.
I love video games.
I want to be an animator when I graduate from college.
I'm terribly shy.
I suck at starting and keeping a conversation.
I also like to swear. A lot.
Everything is a sexual innuendo, including this sentence
Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5515) - you totally deserved it (23483)
On 10/10/2009 at 5:43pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, after being a stay-at-home mom and picking up after my kids for the past 15 years, I got a job rejection letter saying I wasn't qualified. It was a housekeeping position. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26412) - you totally deserved it (2260)
On 09/19/2009 at 5:04pm - work - by HousekeeperNoMore (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend, who has been growing out his facial hair lately, and I, went to a family get together. When we showed up my grandmother came up to him and started growling. She then said, "I was just trying to communicate with Chewbacca over here." Thanks grandma. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21285) - you totally deserved it (5121)
On 09/19/2009 at 2:43pm - misc - by Chewy (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I went on a date with the girl I like to a skating rink. On the ride home she put her arm around me. Her armpits stank and I smelt them the whole hour and a half drive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26152) - you totally deserved it (6032)
On 09/19/2009 at 2:35am - love - by sensativenose (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I went to my friend's house for the first time. As I was pulling up, I called him and asked him if I could use his bathroom. He told me to just go in the back and use it, so i did. As i'm sitting on the toilet, someone knocks on the door and asks me who I am. It wasn't my friend's house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35385) - you totally deserved it (6565)
On 07/10/2009 at 5:22pm - misc - by whitewater_al (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my boss came to my cubicle to give me my annual performance bonus. I was asleep at my desk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5842) - you totally deserved it (35154)
On 07/10/2009 at 5:21pm - misc - by ChrisC (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my younger brother, who is 15, had to show me the quickest way to take off a woman's bra. I'm 12 years older than he is. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34015) - you totally deserved it (8098)
On 07/10/2009 at 3:20pm - intimacy - by nerd_man01 (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I tried to stop a drunk girl from driving home. She took a couple swings at me, which I dodged. Feeling pretty good about it, I tried to get the keys from her hand. She leaned over, and sunk her teeth in to my bare shoulder. The doctor says I will have a scar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34138) - you totally deserved it (2701)
On 07/01/2009 at 5:46pm - misc - by Pelota (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I went to the doctor for a sports physical. I've had a giant, dark birthmark on my left rib cage that I've hated most of my life. Recently I've learned to embrace it and show it off by wearing bikinis. My doctor saw it today and told me it's a fungus that's been spreading on my side all my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41793) - you totally deserved it (3701)
On 07/01/2009 at 4:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (62182) - you totally deserved it (2177)
On 07/01/2009 at 3:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I logged onto facebook, and saw that one of my friends had just listed herself as in a relationship. I was happy for her, so I clicked the "like" button. Then I went to her page to see who her new boyfriend was. It was my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45147) - you totally deserved it (2398)
On 07/01/2009 at 1:25pm - love - by dumped (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I put on my "fat jeans" because none of my other jeans fit. Neither do my fat jeans. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17258) - you totally deserved it (27164)
On 06/29/2009 at 1:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I walked past a building site near my house, there was a sign saying "WARNING - Beware of the scaffolding". I started laughing at the stupidity of the sign, and walked straight into a metal pole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3744) - you totally deserved it (33560)
On 06/17/2009 at 9:40am - misc - by jonnyc - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I gave a beautiful book of baby names to a friend of mine who's been trying to get pregnant for a while. She just burst into tears when she saw it. just before meeting me, she'd found out she was sterile. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36343) - you totally deserved it (3846)
On 06/17/2009 at 8:27am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Ile-de-France)
Today, I was reading a book lying in my bed. I looked outside my window not to see the beautiful weather, but to see my creepy 70 year old neighbor staring at me with giant binaculars, then winks at me. I babysit his grandchildren this weekend, at his house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28022) - you totally deserved it (904)
On 06/17/2009 at 12:56am - misc - by Siehidbkdnd (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
