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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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gelt

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gelt
  • Town/Country : Germany
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 29243
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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gelt's favorite FMLs

Today, I ignored my cat's incessant meowing, and pushed him away every time he wanted to be pet. The next time I walked downstairs I found him dead. FML

#5210731 (435)

I agree, your life sucks (18721) - you deserved it (60714)

On 09/12/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I was having sex with my husband. As I was undressing, he said, "Arr, I spy me some booty!" I let it go, I'm used to his embarassing pirate talk. But as he orgasmed, he screamed, "I'VE FOUND THE BURIED TREASURE!" My neighbors heard in the apartment next door and called to let me know. FML

#4361327 (185)

I agree, your life sucks (41546) - you deserved it (4938)

On 08/07/2009 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by piratequeen (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

#4299619 (301)

I agree, your life sucks (33479) - you deserved it (56066)

On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my 250 lb ex-Marine dad announced he was going to start randomly punching me in the crotch, without warning, to "improve my reflexes." FML

#4235904 (275)

I agree, your life sucks (52643) - you deserved it (3715)

On 08/02/2009 at 6:45pm - health - by theregoesmyspermcount (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend told me that we would be living out one of his fantasies. When I showed up, ready to go, he began playing the theme song to Star Trek and asked me to call him Mr. Spock. FML

#4095449 (201)

I agree, your life sucks (36161) - you deserved it (5560)

On 07/28/2009 at 12:15am - intimacy - by saynotochrispine (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to a club with my friends. I told my mom that I was going to come back home at 3:00 a.m. At 3:15 a.m., my mom comes to the club, with 2 cops, wearing pyjamas, shouting my name and telling me to come back home. FML

#3872316 (155)

I agree, your life sucks (42216) - you deserved it (13563)

On 07/19/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by marcelop - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, I went to the water park, and got in a line on a staircase to get on a waterslide. A couple minutes in, I feel a large amount of warm liquid drip on my head. Seconds later, a crying girl was being lead down the stairs being told that 'everyone wets themselves sometimes'. FML

#3681487 (97)

I agree, your life sucks (42497) - you deserved it (1398)

On 07/12/2009 at 12:08am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

#3600725 (300)

I agree, your life sucks (49224) - you deserved it (5207)

On 07/09/2009 at 1:17am - love - by hatboxghost (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend picked me up to come spend the night at his house, and on the way he started pulling over to get some condoms. I told him no need, I was on my period. He turned the car around and took me home. FML

#3581512 (384)

I agree, your life sucks (61299) - you deserved it (10728)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:06pm - intimacy - by onething (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was teaching swimming. A small boy said his stomach hurt, so I placed him on my back and carried him to the main building where he could lay down. He then jumped off my back and ran back towards the beach because 'he felt better'. I had explosive diarrhea all over my back. FML

#3375297 (117)

I agree, your life sucks (46782) - you deserved it (2886)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:26pm - kids - by unluckycounsellor (woman) - Bermuda (Hamilton)

Today, I decided to use fake tan, seeing as I am so pale. Everywhere I have been today, I have had children behind me. Singing the Oompa Loompa song. FML

#2991073 (206)

I agree, your life sucks (10105) - you deserved it (41614)

On 06/18/2009 at 9:32am - misc - by OompaLoompa (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall, when a homeless man came in mumbling to himself. Out of the 7 available urinals, he posted up at the one right beside me. Apparently he didn't get the memo that urinals aren't used to shit in. He talked to me the entire time. About his love life. FML

#2740544 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (51831) - you deserved it (2523)

On 06/09/2009 at 12:13pm - misc - by blah (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was taken a taxi home after drinking too much. I started to feel sick and, not wanting to be charged the cab cleaning fee, threw up into my handbag instead. When we got to my place I then had to fish through that bag for my wallet to pay the driver. FML

#2560724 (207)

I agree, your life sucks (7788) - you deserved it (38532)

On 06/03/2009 at 6:40am - misc - by Unimpressed (woman) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my sister in law walked in. FML

#2026481 (435)

I agree, your life sucks (22250) - you deserved it (97740)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

#1767727 (715)

I agree, your life sucks (7943) - you deserved it (137318)

On 05/09/2009 at 12:43am - work - by pizzagurl (woman) - United States (Georgia)