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Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches." your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42873) - you deserved it (6042)
On 06/10/2011 at 1:01am - work - by MakeMeASandwich (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my mother set off the alarms at Walmart by shoplifting. She shouted at me to run, which I didn't. I had to get a ride home from the security guard, since my mother left without me because I didn't get to her car fast enough. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38153) - you deserved it (3578)
On 06/08/2011 at 10:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on for the first time. Just as I was about to climax, I spotted my greatest fear, a big wasp, only a few inches away from me. I shuddered and made a very unmanly orgasm wail. She now refuses to have sex because she says I "turned her off forever". FML
I agree, your life sucks (31892) - you deserved it (8157)
On 06/07/2011 at 4:07pm - intimacy - by Punk (man) - United States
Today, I had to give a reference for a former employee. I tried to say he was always willing to give us a hand on the job. Instead, I said he was always willing to give us hand-jobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12924) - you deserved it (19883)
Today, while I was sleeping, my girlfriend took my phone and set the ringtone to a bloodcurdling scream. I found this out when I received a call while driving to work and, thinking someone was being murdered in my backseat, I panicked and swerved into a parked car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31297) - you deserved it (3995)
On 06/01/2011 at 7:53am - misc - by iscreamforicecream (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I accidentally said, "Yes, Sir." to my female teacher. I then apologized by saying, "Sorry, Sir." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28540) - you deserved it (13491)
Today, I noticed my hidden porn folder on my laptop had been renamed to "LOL". I live with my teenage daughter, and no one else. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12048) - you deserved it (43484)
On 05/28/2011 at 5:24am - intimacy - by redhanded (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was really psyched to go see Kung Fu Panda 2 at the movies. Excited, I tried to do a flying kick off the cafeteria wall at work. Instead of kicking off, my leg crashed through the plasterboard and got stuck. My co-workers had to pull me free. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6699) - you deserved it (35407)
On 05/27/2011 at 8:56pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, I stopped to help a stranded motorist. I yelled out my window, "Hey do you need a hand?" The guy was just standing beside his car taking a piss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22133) - you deserved it (4786)
Today, I woke up in a panic to what sounded like a plane about to crash into my house. I was so scared, I peed myself and passed out. It was just my cell phone vibrating under my pillow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10368) - you deserved it (33005)
On 05/19/2011 at 1:38pm - misc - by esoog - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend of 1 month came over and told me she wanted to talk to me. We sat down on the couch and she told me she was pregnant and that it was mine. I reminded her that we've never slept together. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56327) - you deserved it (3356)
On 05/18/2011 at 3:57am - intimacy - by Jackedup (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23162) - you deserved it (4039)
On 05/13/2011 at 12:23pm - animals - by crazycat - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52446) - you deserved it (3651)
On 05/11/2011 at 1:17am - intimacy - by Chels (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, as I was walking back inside I noticed my mop leaning on the wall next to my door. I picked it up and started slow dancing with it, imagining it was the girl I'm in love with. I didn't notice my neighbours bunched up at their window laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9839) - you deserved it (25816)
On 05/04/2011 at 6:01am - misc - by anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, while being robbed, a man heroically chased down the robber and got my purse back. He then looked at the distance between us, turned the other way and ran off with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38545) - you deserved it (2564)
On 04/29/2011 at 2:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Friday 24 May 2013
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