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Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19076) - you deserved it (1955)
On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)
Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15410) - you deserved it (2774)
On 05/19/2012 at 4:03am - work - by themcdave - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)
Today, I was heading to the bathroom when I clearly saw a little boy walking into my bedroom. My wife and I live alone, and I screamed at the top of my lungs, thinking he was a ghost. Turns out my wife collected him from school for a friend, and I just didn't hear them arrive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18387) - you deserved it (5380)
Today, I was petting my cat and I jokingly said out loud, "Oh, the pussy likes it rough? You like that, don't you?" My windows were open and I could hear the neighbors laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6751) - you deserved it (18330)
On 05/03/2012 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by anonymous4991 (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, to avoid looking like a loser in front of his friends who all have girlfriends, my brother made up a perfect relationship. He asked me to give him a hickey in exchange for 50 euros. Our parents walked in on us. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11020) - you deserved it (37281) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/02/2012 at 1:06am - love - by Flip (woman) - France (Rhone-Alpes)
Today, I shot a paintball gun at a bees' nest. The bees flew through my neighbors' windows and, for lack of a better word, slaughtered them. An ambulance was called, and I feel like a total dick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6425) - you deserved it (38705)
On 04/30/2012 at 5:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I told the hair dresser that my kid had cut my hair. I don't have kids. I was just really drunk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5008) - you deserved it (23561)
On 04/28/2012 at 11:06pm - misc - by faux ma (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, during my first day as a doctor’s intern, I attended a consultation. The embarrassed patient asked me to leave. Not really knowing my way around, I went through the first door I could find. By the time I realized it was a closet, I didn’t dare come back out. Twenty minutes is a long time to wait. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19545) - you deserved it (4302) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/18/2012 at 4:41pm - work - by bibou2324 -
Today, after several years of having her help me out by doing household chores, I bought my fifteen-year-old daughter a new pair of jeans. Her reaction was to squeal, "Master has presented Dobby with clothes. Dobby is free!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (9720) - you deserved it (40027) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 04/13/2012 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France
Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17934) - you deserved it (1908)
On 04/09/2012 at 10:51pm - health - by emoflowers - United States (Texas)
Today, I had to pick my 22-year-old son up from the hospital, after he got blind drunk, got his hand stuck in a Pringles can, and got the bright idea of staggering to the local ER to get it cut off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17595) - you deserved it (2162)
On 04/09/2012 at 6:32pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)
Today, I found out that my resume contained the word "masturbation" in the skills section, courtesy of a practical joke by my best friend. I have been using this CV unsuccessfully for over two months. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22531) - you deserved it (5278)
On 03/13/2012 at 8:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)
Today, I was shopping for tampons when a cute guy came over and gave me his number. He said, "Call me in 3 to 5 days." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28473) - you deserved it (4127)
On 03/12/2012 at 9:11am - misc - by Tristansefam1367 - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I joined a new choir. My director asked me if my best friend was actually my girlfriend. Taken aback, I said no, I was not a lesbian. He then asked me to clarify my gender. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22389) - you deserved it (3153)
On 03/01/2012 at 4:43pm - misc - by Rachel - United States
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14085) - you deserved it (22274)
On 01/08/2012 at 7:43pm - intimacy - by caught - United States (Washington)
Monday 17 June 2013
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