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I agree, their lives suck
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Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24506) - you deserved it (1628)
On 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm - kids - by Grant - United States
Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27439) - you deserved it (1756)
On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was on a plane and realized that the woman next to me was hiding a hedgehog in a plastic container. I'm severely afraid of hedgehogs but not wanting to give the woman up and get her in trouble, I tried to stay quiet. Which led to me to quietly hyperventilate and pass out on the plane. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16732) - you deserved it (4833)
On 01/07/2013 at 5:21am - health - by scaredofhedges (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my little sister asked me to open a jar of pickles for her. I struggled a little until the lid busted open, and pickle juice poured over my pocket and the iPhone inside. My sister then sniffed the jar, made a disgusted face, and ran out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13869) - you deserved it (2222)
On 01/05/2013 at 7:06pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)
Today, I bought myself a pair of beautiful, hand-crafted earrings with lighthouses on them. My mother was quick to point out the lighthouses look like dicks. I don't think I can ever wear them again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11667) - you deserved it (3292)
On 01/05/2013 at 5:04pm - misc - by musicalducky (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I bought an eye mask to help me sleep during the day, as I work night shifts. Upon waking up after my first time using it, I forgot I was wearing it and thought I had gone blind, causing me to fall out of the bed and split my head open on my bedside table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15600) - you deserved it (9733)
Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13118) - you deserved it (1670)
On 09/11/2012 at 2:47am - misc - by NotDrunk (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was driving with my boss and she held her breath as we drove past a cell tower, because she didn't want to "breathe in any radiation." I have to take orders from this moron. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17110) - you deserved it (1014)
On 09/06/2012 at 9:45am - work - by Heavy D - United States
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10615) - you deserved it (32525)
On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I finally got to see my boyfriend, after two months apart. As we hugged, he lifted me up and spun me around like in the movies. It would have been really romantic if I hadn't hit a little boy while he was riding past on his bike. I've just traumatized a little kid. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17785) - you deserved it (1702)
On 07/24/2012 at 2:33pm - kids - by Jessi (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13501) - you deserved it (17824)
On 07/20/2012 at 6:20am - kids - by great - New Zealand (Waikato)
Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7715) - you deserved it (26994)
On 07/17/2012 at 11:32am - intimacy - by tuggernuts (man) - United States
Today, a lady threw a coke bottle at my head because she had a non-winning lottery ticket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19090) - you deserved it (1264)
On 07/15/2012 at 1:51am - work - by kerensa (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23863) - you deserved it (2632)
On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19785) - you deserved it (2175) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 07/05/2012 at 4:11am - misc - by FauteuilEver Alone (man) - France
Monday 17 June 2013
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