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Today, I got on an elevator with a woman and her child. I was the first one on. When she stepped on, the capacity alarm went off. As she left she told her daughter that's why fat people shouldn't be allowed in public. I'm 145 lbs. She was twice my size. I got called fat by a hippopotamus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (137664) - you deserved it (8752)
On 03/31/2009 at 10:17am - health - by warp_routine (woman) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (189447) - you deserved it (21124)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, while showering in my dorm, a hand reaches through the curtain and grabs my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized and he had sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60336) - you deserved it (2259)
On 03/11/2009 at 3:37am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33336) - you deserved it (9590)
On 03/08/2009 at 4:35pm - misc - by fashionVictim (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was in spanish class, having a debate about the death penalty. When I went to make a point, I meant to say "La pena de muerte", which means "The death penalty". I said, "La pene de muerte". Turns out that means, "The penis of death". FML
I agree, your life sucks (21711) - you deserved it (35692)
On 03/04/2009 at 12:42pm - misc - by Señor Guapo (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (178328) - you deserved it (61515)
On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)
Today, two girls invited me up to their room at 3 am. As soon as we pressed the up button on the elevator, the fire alarm went off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51139) - you deserved it (3768)
On 02/03/2009 at 9:25am - intimacy - by SoClose (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my mother called to say that my 11 year old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassles, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7361) - you deserved it (18909)
On 02/03/2009 at 1:51am - kids - by peneloperigby (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Friday 24 May 2013
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