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Today, I was taken to my first session with my psychiatrist. The entirety of the facility, from the waiting room to the doc's office was decorated with dead butterflies in glass. I was there for my crippling mottephobia, the irrational fear of moths and butterflies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32060) - you deserved it (2945)
On 06/03/2011 at 1:16am - health - by JefferyT (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, whilst at my job as a lifeguard, a small child decided he couldn't hold it any longer and released his bowels in the pool. It was my job to clean up his dump, including the floating pieces of sweetcorn. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28896) - you deserved it (2001)
On 06/02/2011 at 9:44pm - work - by corn - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I saw a woman run down my street screaming "Fuck you cops! I can drive under the influence if I want to!" It took me a second to realize it was my mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36115) - you deserved it (2279)
On 06/02/2011 at 9:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I flew home to Germany to see my wife before I'm deployed, only to find her in bed with another guy. She explained that she wants us to stay together, but she can't take a year without being intimate with someone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41927) - you deserved it (3392)
On 06/02/2011 at 1:39pm - intimacy - by jsalmons - Germany (Bayern)
Today, I gave my husband an ultimatum: either he could have sex with me or play Minecraft. Needless to say, he spent the rest of the evening playing Minecraft. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28067) - you deserved it (9379)
On 06/02/2011 at 12:52pm - intimacy - by minecraftwilldie - United States (Illinois)
Today, I had an orgasm for the first time in almost 3 months. My husband was beaming, saying he had given it his all and was ecstatic that he had finally satisfied me. But to be honest, I'd remembered we had a bag of potato chips in the kitchen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10748) - you deserved it (4356)
On 06/02/2011 at 10:49am - intimacy - by satisfied88 -
Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45903) - you deserved it (3085)
On 06/02/2011 at 5:45am - health - by meyo555 - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I was released from hospital after being in a car accident. I used the phone book to call people I know to get a ride home, as my wallet and cellphone were still in the wrecked car. I had called my mom to come get me, but her response was "I don't feel like it." I live with her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26270) - you deserved it (1766)
On 06/02/2011 at 5:27am - misc - by thanksmom (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, a customer had an allergic reaction to the almonds in the sundae I made for her. We're supposed to put the almonds on unless the customer asks otherwise. She complained to my boss that I'd poisoned her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23215) - you deserved it (2201)
On 06/02/2011 at 12:40am - work - by Unemployed (man) - United States
Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15472) - you deserved it (17669)
On 06/01/2011 at 5:21pm - misc - by ven980 - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I went out with my best friend and her hot brother. Upon our exit out of the restaurant I walked right into the glass door and rebounded back off it. The whole restaurant was silent as I shamefully walked out only to trip on the curb outside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26494) - you deserved it (5294)
On 05/21/2011 at 10:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom
Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32157) - you deserved it (3005)
On 05/20/2011 at 7:30pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend refused to go down on me because I smelled of baby lotion and it made him feel like a child molester. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31387) - you deserved it (10947)
On 05/20/2011 at 4:40am - intimacy - by skiittlez713 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8476) - you deserved it (44997)
On 05/19/2011 at 1:30am - work - by 613tanner -
Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself all night, was my sister's Furby she stuck in the closet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29385) - you deserved it (5212)
On 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm - misc - by Spooked (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
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