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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
galt's favorite FMLs
by inconnue / 03/18/2013 at 6:34pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love
Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML
by grandson of a p.o.s. / 03/14/2013 at 6:04pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML
by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 10:40am / Latvia / Miscellaneous
Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML
by jen / 03/14/2013 at 6:52am / United States / Health
Today, my car got broken into. A small folded plastic bag and a few toothpicks I got from a restaurant were stolen. It's going to cost me a few hundred bucks to fix and clean my car over a 10 cent bag and a few free toothpicks. FML
by ScrewedForCheapBag / 03/14/2013 at 4:52am / United States (California) / Money
Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML
Today, my 4-year-old daughter couldn't sleep, crying that her teddy bear wants to eat her. My husband thought it would be funny to put the bear right in front of her face while she slept. She's now terrified to sleep anywhere but in our bed. FML
by Anonymous / 03/11/2013 at 7:32pm / Ireland / Kids
Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML
by ugh / 03/11/2013 at 7:33am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, my 3 year old woke up at 2 am and refused to go back to sleep unless she could sleep with her father and me. Normally we would have said no, but both of us being so tired, we said yes. She slowly kicked me out of my side of the bed and now I have to sleep on the couch. FML
by MissShei / 03/11/2013 at 4:37am / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
by lonely girl / 03/11/2013 at 12:17am / United States / Love
Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML
by marcymoo / 03/11/2013 at 12:09am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/10/2013 at 10:47pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend accused me of being a feeder, saying that's why she's been putting on so much weight. When I said it might be because she eats at McDonalds everyday, and that I was willing to start cooking low-calorie foods for us, she hit me. Then she went to McDonalds. FML
by Raiden / 03/10/2013 at 12:03pm / United Kingdom (Barnsley) / Love
by cremyfrozentreat / 03/10/2013 at 9:40am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Nogood / 03/10/2013 at 5:09am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love