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Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18131) - you deserved it (1603)
On 09/16/2012 at 3:48pm - health - by Derp McShitstain (woman) - United Kingdom (St. Helens)
Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (18993) - you deserved it (3520)
On 09/03/2012 at 5:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22872) - you deserved it (4388)
On 08/30/2012 at 10:45pm - intimacy - by Geckosrock99 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend actually held onto my love handles while we were having sex. He said they "made it easier." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15545) - you deserved it (6515)
On 08/24/2012 at 9:53am - intimacy - by chunkymonkey (woman) - United States
Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25207) - you deserved it (6388)
On 08/22/2012 at 12:19am - intimacy - by ihateveganism (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24116) - you deserved it (3726)
On 08/21/2012 at 9:59pm - intimacy - by m (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, after his second week of babysitting, my boyfriend has begun the disturbing habit of saying, "Ready or not, here I come!" every time he's about to orgasm. He doesn't see why this doesn't appeal to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19130) - you deserved it (2192)
On 08/20/2012 at 11:02pm - intimacy - by majorlyturnedoff (woman) - United States
Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14442) - you deserved it (1556)
On 08/12/2012 at 5:23am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my dog farted so loud in his sleep that he scared himself and woke up barking. This afternoon I achieved the same feat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13945) - you deserved it (2257)
On 08/09/2012 at 10:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wanted to go to the gym with him, and I responded that we could do another kind of workout upstairs. He quickly said he'd rather just go to the gym. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17963) - you deserved it (3798)
On 08/03/2012 at 8:14am - intimacy - by rejected4555 (woman) - United States
Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36979) - you deserved it (3014)
On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)
Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19563) - you deserved it (1400)
On 05/12/2012 at 4:04pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)
Today, I was broken up with via a cereal analogy. Apparently, I'm a Cheerio and all he wants is a Fruit Loop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15479) - you deserved it (1312)
On 05/08/2012 at 7:55am - love - by Kyley - United States
Today, I was petting my cat and I jokingly said out loud, "Oh, the pussy likes it rough? You like that, don't you?" My windows were open and I could hear the neighbors laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6733) - you deserved it (18189)
On 05/03/2012 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by anonymous4991 (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I faced down the Godzilla of all spiders. I smashed the goddamned holy shit out of it. Trying to impress my cute new roommate, I scooped up the remains and showed him. It was his pet tarantula. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16690) - you deserved it (17993)
On 03/04/2012 at 3:46pm - misc - by Hannah (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Monday 20 May 2013
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