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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56416) - you deserved it (3657)
On 09/29/2009 at 5:21pm - love - by P0wned (man) - France (Bretagne)
Today, I was eating MandMs on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see my hand on my crotch and me muttering, "Where is that little bastard?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (51053) - you deserved it (11675)
On 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm - misc - by awilson (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37207) - you deserved it (3178)
On 09/10/2009 at 3:51am - kids - by Udxero (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went out with my family and boyfriend for dinner. We were all having a good time, and suddenly at the end of dinner he decides to kneel down on one knee, take out an engagement ring, and say "I choose you, Pikachu," with a straight face. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (97358) - you deserved it (23465)
On 09/04/2009 at 10:19pm - love - by mandy (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my friend and I were making sandwiches at his house. His family's dog wandered over just as I dropped a large chunk of cheddar on the floor. The dog snatched it up and ran away with it. I yelled after it, jokingly, that I hoped it would choke and die. It did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21859) - you deserved it (36773)
On 08/30/2009 at 4:17pm - animals - by lily (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was curious as to whether or not my mom was off of her medication. When I asked her, she pulled a knife on me. Looks like I got my answer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40004) - you deserved it (3135)
On 08/29/2009 at 12:46pm - health - by mommy_issues (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54621) - you deserved it (12513)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (27612) - you deserved it (4356)
On 08/24/2009 at 11:34pm - love - by isoheartcaitlin (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, the girl I have been dating for the past five years asked me to move to California with her to get married. Naturally, I was thrilled and said, "Of course, when do you want to leave?". She just stared at me blankly and said, "Shit, I was kidding." FML
I agree, your life sucks (37232) - you deserved it (3997)
On 08/21/2009 at 2:48am - intimacy - by axsmith01 (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, my husband and I were in bed, and just as I was about to finish he screamed, "Oh shit! It's 4:15, my strawberries are gonna whither!!!!" and then jumped off me and went to check on his farm on FarmVille. An imaginary farm, on Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (72916) - you deserved it (5697)
On 08/20/2009 at 10:51am - love - by demk (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house while his plumbing was being redone. I really had to pee, but the toilet wasn't working, so I peed in his cat's litterbox. His cat got defensive, and started attacking me while I peed. My boyfriend walked in and saw the whole thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11018) - you deserved it (50229)
On 08/18/2009 at 9:13pm - love - by litterbox_girl (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (92991) - you deserved it (6034)
On 08/18/2009 at 3:20pm - misc - by gbhlaughingstock (man) - United States
Today, I asked a woman where her beautiful accent was from. The woman stared at me for a while. Then her daughter told me that the reason her mother talked like that was because she had a stroke a few months ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41000) - you deserved it (7609)
On 08/18/2009 at 12:33pm - misc - by anonymus (man) - United States
Today, before I went to bed, I watched a terrifying movie with zombies. I woke up with a headache, a bloody nose, and my mom standing over me frantically asking me what was wrong. Apparently I had been "fighting the zombies off" in my sleep and had been punching myself in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39153) - you deserved it (10529)
On 08/13/2009 at 2:17pm - misc - by fearofzombies (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I finally had sex with this great guy I've been seeing. I thought I'd found a catch. We get into his room, start kissing, and things heat up. Everything is perfect until he reaches under his bed, pulls out a doughnut and shoves it into my mouth, snarling, "eat it, eat it!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (60705) - you deserved it (6911)
On 08/13/2009 at 11:23am - intimacy - by esb (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Friday 24 May 2013
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