Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 30 January 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1488
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About foodlord : Hi. I'm Alana.

foodlord's page activity

Visits<b>Tomato_Cheese</b> - the 07/26/2016 at 2:33am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/03/2016 at 12:23pm<b>BananEnigma</b> - the 04/24/2016 at 2:46pm<b>shabadabba</b> - the 04/07/2016 at 12:54pm<b>StarOfDoom</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 4:37pm<b>dandee_one</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 9:13am<b>Tymaster5</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 4:11pm<b>Kitten_love</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 9:03pm<b>Val0</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 11:24am<b>Leo619</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 5:43pm<b>lemonadestand</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 3:53am<b>Sexomancer</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 6:02pm<b>Flippier999</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 12:11am<b>sharpie2434</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 6:08pm<b>ZelmaSlayer</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 7:10pm<b>itsbatmanbitch</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 1:52pm<b>pugpuggy</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 7:06am<b>Theater_Chef_3</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 1:00am

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/03/2016 at 6:22pm

foodlord's FML badges


You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

Up and coming moderator

It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of foodlord's badges

foodlord's favorite FMLs

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm / United Kingdom / Transportation

Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML

by PeepShow / 08/06/2009 at 2:04am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML

by KarlwithaK / 05/18/2009 at 11:29pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my husband of 9 years announced he was gay. He insinuated that he was only able to achieve erections because I looked like a man. FML

by jilted / 03/21/2009 at 3:15am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, I found an old dress in my house laying around. I decided to dye it green to wear it out on St. Patrick's day. Turns out it was my grandmother's wedding dress that my sister was planning to wear for her wedding. FML

by Noname / 03/16/2009 at 1:29pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, after taping 5-year-olds do a skit at an improv camp, I used the camera's view-finder to zoom in on a female co-worker's chest. Another female co-worker tapped me on the shoulder to show that the TV was still connected to the camera. Parents, kids, and instructors all witnessed it. FML

by Noname / 03/13/2009 at 9:06pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the dentist, I was getting my teeth cleaned. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. He told me "Stop!" The movement of his lips caused the snot to fall right into my mouth. FML

by Noname / 03/05/2009 at 2:44pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, my family gathered at my 96 year old great-grandmother's surprise birthday party that was my idea. When she walked in, we surprised her so much that she literally had a heart attack. She is now in the hospital. FML

by Ashley J. / 03/01/2009 at 5:04pm / United States (West Virginia) / Health

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML

by ihavepinkbackpac / 02/28/2009 at 2:07pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

by thatsucks / 02/28/2009 at 6:10am / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Love

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

by Noname / 02/26/2009 at 10:30am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML

by Noname / 12/03/2008 at 11:39pm / Kids