foodlord

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foodlord

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 30 January 1995 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 1284
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About foodlord : Hi. I'm Alana.

foodlord's page activity

Visits<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/03/2016 at 12:23pm<b>BananEnigma</b> - the 04/24/2016 at 2:46pm<b>shabadabba</b> - the 04/07/2016 at 12:54pm<b>StarOfDoom</b> - the 03/03/2016 at 4:37pm<b>dandee_one</b> - the 12/25/2015 at 9:13am<b>Tymaster5</b> - the 12/24/2015 at 4:11pm<b>Kitten_love</b> - the 11/09/2015 at 9:03pm<b>Val0</b> - the 10/21/2015 at 11:24am<b>Leo619</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 5:43pm<b>lemonadestand</b> - the 07/19/2015 at 3:53am<b>Sexomancer</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 6:02pm<b>Flippier999</b> - the 05/06/2015 at 12:11am<b>sharpie2434</b> - the 05/01/2015 at 6:08pm<b>ZelmaSlayer</b> - the 04/27/2015 at 7:10pm<b>itsbatmanbitch</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 1:52pm<b>pugpuggy</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 7:06am<b>Theater_Chef_3</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 1:00am<b>pks2014</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 8:50pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 05/03/2016 at 6:22pm

foodlord's FML badges

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Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

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It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

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foodlord's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that it takes about half an hour to get melted cheese out of your hair. FML

by jzappe / 10/10/2011 at 11:34pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

by rufusthepenis / 10/02/2011 at 6:57pm / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Intimacy

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

by Anonymous / 08/31/2011 at 10:23am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Intimacy

Today, it's been a year since I've been with my girlfriend, and I think that I hate more things about her than I like. For instance, how she likes to throw furniture at me. FML

by True Story / 08/29/2011 at 8:46am / Canada / Love

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

by SoupCanoe / 08/29/2011 at 4:33am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health

Today, my family dragged me to an Alien-themed museum. They're convinced they were once abducted and felt up by creatures from outer space. They talk, and spend all their money, on nothing else. I'm hungry. FML

by Help / 08/13/2011 at 7:21pm / United States / Geek

Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter, who is 18, asked me why the lights on the car still worked. FML

by OhDeary / 08/01/2011 at 4:18pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML

by cheddar / 07/20/2011 at 6:17pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that if I don't give my mom attention immediately after she calls my name, she will throw a baseball at me. FML

by wooowmom / 06/04/2011 at 9:10pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML

by JT / 04/12/2011 at 10:19am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice before ordering, came in the mail. This year I will be wishing everyone a "wondeful" holiday season. I'm an elementary school teacher. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2010 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, the woman who sits behind me in class showed up. She shrieks in laughter until she has coughing fits every time anything even remotely sexual is mentioned, including evidence in sexual assault cases. Lectures are 3 hours long, twice a week, and I need this class to graduate. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2010 at 9:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister was on television. It would have been great if she weren't being handcuffed for burglary. FML

by ghostyyy / 07/24/2010 at 7:21pm / Love

Today, I was babysitting. The kid said he had to use the bathroom. When I told him to go ahead, he said he just did. He was on my lap. He wasn't wearing pants. FML

by Anonymous / 02/11/2010 at 8:33am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I realised I hate my cat. She has 'stress incontinence', which involved her peeing all over my house. Last week I found out she'd been peeing on my stove, and I can't clean off the smell. Now whenever I try to cook some food, the kitchen is flooded with the scent of burning cat pee. FML

by NotEnoughCleaner / 11/12/2009 at 12:30pm / United Kingdom (Merseyside) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.