About foodlord : Hi. I'm Alana.
foodlord's FML badges
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
foodlord's favorite FMLs
by jzappe / 10/10/2011 at 11:34pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML
by rufusthepenis / 10/02/2011 at 6:57pm / United Kingdom (Lincolnshire) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 08/31/2011 at 10:23am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Intimacy
by True Story / 08/29/2011 at 8:46am / Canada / Love
Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML
by SoupCanoe / 08/29/2011 at 4:33am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health
Today, my family dragged me to an Alien-themed museum. They're convinced they were once abducted and felt up by creatures from outer space. They talk, and spend all their money, on nothing else. I'm hungry. FML
by Help / 08/13/2011 at 7:21pm / United States / Geek
by OhDeary / 08/01/2011 at 4:18pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by cheddar / 07/20/2011 at 6:17pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by wooowmom / 06/04/2011 at 9:10pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by JT / 04/12/2011 at 10:19am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice before ordering, came in the mail. This year I will be wishing everyone a "wondeful" holiday season. I'm an elementary school teacher. FML
by Anonymous / 12/08/2010 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, the woman who sits behind me in class showed up. She shrieks in laughter until she has coughing fits every time anything even remotely sexual is mentioned, including evidence in sexual assault cases. Lectures are 3 hours long, twice a week, and I need this class to graduate. FML
by Anonymous / 09/28/2010 at 9:36pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 02/11/2010 at 8:33am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
Today, I realised I hate my cat. She has 'stress incontinence', which involved her peeing all over my house. Last week I found out she'd been peeing on my stove, and I can't clean off the smell. Now whenever I try to cook some food, the kitchen is flooded with the scent of burning cat pee. FML
by NotEnoughCleaner / 11/12/2009 at 12:30pm / United Kingdom (Merseyside) / Animals
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…