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Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
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Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27625) - you deserved it (3651)
On 10/02/2011 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by rufusthepenis - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)
Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20893) - you deserved it (7795)
On 08/31/2011 at 10:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)
Today, it's been a year since I've been with my girlfriend, and I think that I hate more things about her than I like. For instance, how she likes to throw furniture at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20488) - you deserved it (7091)
Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30791) - you deserved it (2409)
On 08/29/2011 at 4:33am - health - by SoupCanoe - United Kingdom (Hampshire)
Today, my family dragged me to an Alien-themed museum. They're convinced they were once abducted and felt up by creatures from outer space. They talk, and spend all their money, on nothing else. I'm hungry. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21134) - you deserved it (2083)
On 08/13/2011 at 7:21pm - misc - by Help (woman) - United States
Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter, who is 18, asked me why the lights on the car still worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29592) - you deserved it (7018)
On 08/01/2011 at 4:18pm - misc - by OhDeary (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23219) - you deserved it (1919)
On 07/20/2011 at 6:17pm - misc - by cheddar (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I learned that if I don't give my mom attention immediately after she calls my name, she will throw a baseball at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25046) - you deserved it (7987)
On 06/04/2011 at 9:10pm - misc - by wooowmom (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24693) - you deserved it (9017)
On 04/12/2011 at 10:19am - kids - by JT (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice before ordering, came in the mail. This year I will be wishing everyone a "wondeful" holiday season. I'm an elementary school teacher. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7382) - you deserved it (14536)
On 12/08/2010 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, the woman who sits behind me in class showed up. She shrieks in laughter until she has coughing fits every time anything even remotely sexual is mentioned, including evidence in sexual assault cases. Lectures are 3 hours long, twice a week, and I need this class to graduate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21172) - you deserved it (1543)
On 09/28/2010 at 9:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I was babysitting. The kid said he had to use the bathroom. When I told him to go ahead, he said he just did. He was on my lap. He wasn't wearing pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17013) - you deserved it (5514)
On 02/11/2010 at 8:33am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I realised I hate my cat. She has 'stress incontinence', which involved her peeing all over my house. Last week I found out she'd been peeing on my stove, and I can't clean off the smell. Now whenever I try to cook some food, the kitchen is flooded with the scent of burning cat pee. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22357) - you deserved it (3811)
On 11/12/2009 at 12:30pm - animals - by NotEnoughCleaner (woman) - United Kingdom (Merseyside)
Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36634) - you deserved it (2337)
On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom
Today, I told my daughter how her eyes look exactly as pretty as my wife's. She told me that she loved the way my eyeballs stick out of my face, just like Elmo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30523) - you deserved it (3673)
On 10/03/2009 at 8:33am - kids - by dessaye (man) - Singapore
Monday 20 May 2013
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