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foodlord

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foodlord
  • Town/Country : Christchurch, New Zealand
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 30 January 1995 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 618
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About foodlord : Hi. I'm Alana.

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foodlord's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned that it takes about half an hour to get melted cheese out of your hair. FML

#17956536
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15422) - you deserved it (4812)

On 10/10/2011 at 11:34pm - health - by jzappe - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She got my cock out, stopped, and told me it looked like "Rufus the naked mole rat." She spent the next 20 minutes showing me pictures, describing in detail why they looked similar, and laughing. FML

#17889582
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28393) - you deserved it (3695)

On 10/02/2011 at 6:57pm - intimacy - by rufusthepenis - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, I spent thirty minutes in the shower trying to remove "Pierre", a face complete with moustache that my girlfriend drew in sharpie on the tip of my cock. FML

#17628880
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25170) - you deserved it (9730)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:23am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, it's been a year since I've been with my girlfriend, and I think that I hate more things about her than I like. For instance, how she likes to throw furniture at me. FML

#17611164
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24448) - you deserved it (9127)

On 08/29/2011 at 8:46am - love - by True Story - Canada

Today, my mum gave me half-raw chicken for dinner. After she refused to cook it again, I threw it away saying that I didn't want to get salmonella. She told to be more grateful, and that I was an idiot for trying to use salmonella as an excuse because 'it's chicken, not salmon'. FML

#17610443
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31518) - you deserved it (2435)

On 08/29/2011 at 4:33am - health - by SoupCanoe - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, my family dragged me to an Alien-themed museum. They're convinced they were once abducted and felt up by creatures from outer space. They talk, and spend all their money, on nothing else. I'm hungry. FML

#17462682
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21671) - you deserved it (2110)

On 08/13/2011 at 7:21pm - misc - by Help (woman) - United States

Today, our power went out due to some severe storms. My daughter, who is 18, asked me why the lights on the car still worked. FML

#17333376
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31401) - you deserved it (8476)

On 08/01/2011 at 4:18pm - misc - by OhDeary (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I woke up feeling great. I opened up the blinds and looked out from my window just in time to see a man ripping my mailbox from the ground and sprinting away with it. FML

#17193667
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25856) - you deserved it (2062)

On 07/20/2011 at 6:17pm - misc - by cheddar (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I learned that if I don't give my mom attention immediately after she calls my name, she will throw a baseball at me. FML

#16504841
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26940) - you deserved it (9479)

On 06/04/2011 at 9:10pm - misc - by wooowmom (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML

#15753911
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26548) - you deserved it (10758)

On 04/12/2011 at 10:19am - kids - by JT (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice before ordering, came in the mail. This year I will be wishing everyone a "wondeful" holiday season. I'm an elementary school teacher. FML

#14126790
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7550) - you deserved it (14963)

On 12/08/2010 at 12:17am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the woman who sits behind me in class showed up. She shrieks in laughter until she has coughing fits every time anything even remotely sexual is mentioned, including evidence in sexual assault cases. Lectures are 3 hours long, twice a week, and I need this class to graduate. FML

#13241272
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25086) - you deserved it (2036)

On 09/28/2010 at 9:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my sister was on television. It would have been great if she weren't being handcuffed for burglary. FML

#12090028
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28594) - you deserved it (2590)

On 07/24/2010 at 7:21pm - love - by ghostyyy - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was babysitting. The kid said he had to use the bathroom. When I told him to go ahead, he said he just did. He was on my lap. He wasn't wearing pants. FML

#8125309
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19563) - you deserved it (6673)

On 02/11/2010 at 8:33am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I realised I hate my cat. She has 'stress incontinence', which involved her peeing all over my house. Last week I found out she'd been peeing on my stove, and I can't clean off the smell. Now whenever I try to cook some food, the kitchen is flooded with the scent of burning cat pee. FML



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