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foodlord

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foodlord

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 30 January 1995 (19 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 776
  • Number of comments : 81
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

About foodlord : Hi. I'm Alana.

foodlord's page activity

Visits<b>Wingman527</b> - the 09/11/2014 at 3:01pm<b>DepartmentStore</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 12:06pm<b>tucansamTommyG</b> - the 07/31/2014 at 7:41pm<b>greentide</b> - the 07/23/2014 at 5:59pm<b>wellfme</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 2:42am<b>poulkrebs</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 3:56am<b>sporkster</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 10:06am<b>urbantrashcan</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 11:01am<b>ryanator008</b> - the 06/28/2014 at 12:25am<b>KhazKhazz</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 4:05am<b>tzemmy</b> - the 06/19/2014 at 5:57pm<b>Jpeviest</b> - the 06/02/2014 at 10:46pm<b>DrMessed</b> - the 05/06/2014 at 2:55pm<b>LaCary</b> - the 04/24/2014 at 9:34pm<b>datshistylizard1</b> - the 04/01/2014 at 9:16pm<b>lil_ham1644</b> - the 02/04/2014 at 2:07pm<b>mr_joeyy</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 7:33pm<b>ninjaCarebear</b> - the 11/11/2013 at 9:44pm

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Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

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It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.

See all of foodlord's badges

foodlord's favorite FMLs

Today, I got mauled by some wild animals and had to get my butt cheek stitched up. The embarrassment doesn't end there though; the animals in question were kittens. The nurses on duty laughed and the entire ward found out. FML

#20770807
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42235) - you deserved it (6373)

On 07/08/2013 at 4:00pm - animals - by richardmrcs (man) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML

#20022504
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16384) - you deserved it (34072)

On 08/15/2012 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by shelby124 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

#20020595
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25926) - you deserved it (1621)

On 08/14/2012 at 12:52pm - misc - by ugh (woman) - United States

Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML

#19846175
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26558) - you deserved it (2146)

On 06/25/2012 at 5:49pm - work - by thinkimquitting (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

#19823545
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21932) - you deserved it (6887)

On 06/21/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my parents decided on my punishment for failing an English test. No deodorant for a week. They think they're so hilarious, they told all their friends and now it's all over Facebook. FML

#19555770
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25233) - you deserved it (3700)

On 04/30/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by sockmonkey (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

#19239456
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14388) - you deserved it (49943)

On 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm - intimacy - by Fraser - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was in class and felt something tugging on my hair. I thought it was caught on the chair, so I turned around a little to look. The guy behind me was holding my hair and smelling it. He gave me a creepy smile, winked, and continued. FML

#19238857
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27373) - you deserved it (2152)

On 03/08/2012 at 11:23am - misc - by littlekellilee - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my mom gave me my boyfriend's boxers that she'd washed after finding them in my camping bag. The boxers had "Big Banana" written all over them, along with pictures of bananas. FML

#18467948
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9581) - you deserved it (24278)

On 12/09/2011 at 11:26am - love - by LinaLinaYeah (woman) - Canada

Today, I bought weed for the first time. The dealer was an undercover cop. FML

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML

#18234448
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40462) - you deserved it (7067)

On 11/13/2011 at 1:53am - kids - by weswithaute - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML

#18209782
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29578) - you deserved it (6930)

On 11/10/2011 at 12:07pm - animals - by Anonymous - Ireland (Cork)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML

#18200253
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56039) - you deserved it (8325)

On 11/09/2011 at 7:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my elderly neighbor called the police because my cat was in her yard. I now have a citation and a court date. Apparently, there is a leash law for cats in my town, and it is taken very seriously. FML

#18100684
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25605) - you deserved it (5264)

On 10/29/2011 at 12:51am - animals - by Fought The Law - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was on a drive with my uncle. We saw a dead deer on the side of the road and expressed our pity for it. Then a squirrel runs across the road and my uncle swerves toward the squirrel, laughing hysterically and yelling, "Run rodent run." FML

#17965176
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24294) - you deserved it (3704)

On 10/12/2011 at 1:14am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)



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