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floridachick98

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floridachick98
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  • Number of visits : 27
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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floridachick98's favorite FMLs

Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML

#20562846
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70626) - you deserved it (6034)

On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, while watching the Olympics, my father found it completely necessary to make a farting sound every single time an athlete jumps or bends over. This will be a very long few weeks. FML

#19995451
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15750) - you deserved it (1666)

On 07/31/2012 at 10:49pm - misc - by joleezad5 - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had to turn down an offer of what seemed like some sexy time with a cute girl because my intestines were bursting with an intense desire to unleash molten lava. I rushed home to squat down, only to let out a disappointingly small piece of crud and a tiny fart. FML

#19984638
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25974) - you deserved it (4863)

On 07/26/2012 at 1:39am - intimacy - by Jarman (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, out of curiosity, I measured the length of my penis whilst in the shower. A couple of hours later, my father called me downstairs to show me something. Turns out I left the ruler on top of the shower tree. He won't stop laughing. FML

#19984171
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8695) - you deserved it (31679)

On 07/25/2012 at 9:11pm - intimacy - by Infiltrator4444 - United States (Kentucky)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

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