Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (one hour ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 1 May 1997 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 16152
  • Number of comments : 252
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 30 posted

About fightingkittens : Once upon a time I had an FML published. Unfortunately I neglected to make a proper sacrifice of watermelons and chimney sweeps to the All-Sentient Sniping and Hissing Ovarian Longitudinal Entity and as a result of this grievance, it was never credited to my profile. You can find it by searching "staph infection" in the search bar--the name on the account is accurate.

fightingkittens's page activity

Visits<b>racquel1115</b> - yesterday at 11:59pm<b>Slayer9805</b> - the 11/23/2015 at 4:15pm<b>TheGamingGamer</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 11:54pm<b>Envy22</b> - the 11/20/2015 at 4:56pm<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 2:08pm<b>ionab101</b> - the 11/19/2015 at 8:06am<b>annoyedperson</b> - the 11/13/2015 at 2:24am<b>liebe_lule</b> - the 11/12/2015 at 6:44am<b>depressedpianist</b> - the 11/11/2015 at 10:57pm<b>marisol180</b> - the 11/11/2015 at 12:13am<b>Mons</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 7:08pm<b>guzzerz89</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 6:54pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 2:29pm<b>mcduckens</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 11:03am<b>Mentally_Artsy</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 10:17am<b>Unlovable_Me</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 10:11am<b>ncbb5</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 9:41am<b>SilverStillwater</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 9:18am

Fucked!<b>delfino1604</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 8:30pm<b>Um_bye</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 5:18am<b>BlueHorizons</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 7:52am<b>heartofhannah</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 5:22am<b>warrenhoward42</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 4:20am<b>Matheo</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 11:13pm<b>fastman19</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 1:18pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 3:41am<b>Geekman2</b> - the 09/18/2015 at 7:44pm<b>TheLostCauseFML</b> - the 09/06/2015 at 3:39pm<b>OhWhoCares</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 3:15am<b>lex1459</b> - the 07/24/2015 at 8:05am<b>Captain_Brittain</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 4:37am<b>just_dorky_me</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 7:19pm<b>Raltizal</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 10:21am<b>lilimae2002</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 7:54am<b>mill2775</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 4:22am<b>myelias25</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 9:08am

fightingkittens's FML badges

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.


Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

See all of fightingkittens's badges

fightingkittens's favorite FMLs

Today, I took my daughter to the library instead of the pool. I sat her on the counter and, while I reached for my library card, she turned to the librarian and said "We didn't go to the pool today because Mum has hairy legs." FML


I agree, your life sucks (27370) - you deserved it (12801)

On 01/04/2011 at 3:05am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32669) - you deserved it (3422)

On 12/25/2010 at 1:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, at the office, everyone in my department swapped secret santa presents. I bought the guy whose name I picked a DVD box-set of his favorite TV series. One of my friends got a fancy make up kit. Another got a pack of posh notebooks. I got a toilet plunger. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30416) - you deserved it (3136)

On 12/14/2010 at 1:02pm - misc - by hozzyandie (woman) - Ireland (Cork)

Today, the elevator got stuck in between floor 4 and 5 at my doctors office. I had been having violent diarrhea. It was the reason I was at the doctor. Elevator was stuck for 35 minutes. During that time, I diarrhea'd in my pants twice. There were seven other people in the elevator. FML


I agree, your life sucks (107809) - you deserved it (5961)

On 12/13/2010 at 4:16am - health - by Christopher - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was Rizzo in a production of Grease. I sang a line about needing a ring. I've been able to put up my left ring finger for every rehearsal, but today I put up the one next to it. I flipped off the audience. FML


I agree, your life sucks (12414) - you deserved it (22674)

On 12/08/2010 at 9:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I decided to take a nap in the university library. I felt like I'd only closed my eyes for a minute, when a guy woke me up to tell me that I'd been farting in my sleep for the last half hour, and that the librarian was becoming concerned. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30655) - you deserved it (8688)

On 12/06/2010 at 5:53pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized that before I can legally drink, I will have been married, divorced, and pregnant. FML


I agree, your life sucks (15763) - you deserved it (81373)

On 12/05/2010 at 12:04pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, my grandma walked into my room and asked if the thing lying on my nightstand was a computer. I said ''Grandma, that's a clock.'' After staring at me, confused for a few seconds, she then farted, and left my room. FML


I agree, your life sucks (44662) - you deserved it (5763)

On 11/23/2010 at 12:35pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my doctor told me to buy some KY Jelly and a dildo to help "loosen me up" so sex isn't so painful. I haven't been able to have sex for 6 months because it hurts so badly, and now my doctor has basically told me to go fuck myself. FML


I agree, your life sucks (37067) - you deserved it (8057)

On 11/22/2010 at 2:36pm - intimacy - by painfulintercourse - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I spent an hour at work trying to make a tortoise poo. When he finally did, I was so excited and felt pretty triumphant. Then I realized that my job was to make animals drop their load. FML


I agree, your life sucks (26680) - you deserved it (4916)

On 11/21/2010 at 9:33pm - work - by poomaster - United States (California)

Today, I was walking with and hugging my girlfriend at the same time. I tried to be funny and touched her breast, saying "Boob" in a silly voice. In reply, she slapped me in the crotch, saying "Dick" in the same voice. FML


I agree, your life sucks (10365) - you deserved it (63013)

On 11/21/2010 at 3:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Mexico (Morelos)

Today, my ballet teacher decided to tell us, in detail, about the nasty staph infection she has on her boob. The whole time, she was scratching it. FML


I agree, your life sucks (30425) - you deserved it (2671)

On 11/19/2010 at 1:07am - health - by fightingkittens (woman) - United States (California)

Today, it was my 21st birthday. I had a simple party with my boyfriend, with just a cake and a bottle of red wine. My boyfriend managed to get so drunk that he danced naked for 10 minutes, then told me I'm hideously obese but that he loves me anyway. FML


I agree, your life sucks (32857) - you deserved it (5463)

On 11/13/2010 at 8:24am - love - by sadinmass (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I tripped on a step that said "Watch your step." Two hours later, I hit my head on a sign that said "Mind your head." FML


I agree, your life sucks (30293) - you deserved it (13922)

On 11/13/2010 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML


I agree, your life sucks (64127) - you deserved it (3772) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/11/2010 at 3:40am - love - by Anonymous - France

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Céline's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! It’s a day of national pride over near the FML offices. There's a time for everything, and even if the desire to piss about to release the tension is huge, we mustn’t forget that we can…

Friday 27 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: