About fightingkittens : Once upon a time I had an FML published. Unfortunately I neglected to make a proper sacrifice of watermelons and chimney sweeps to the All-Sentient Sniping and Hissing Ovarian Longitudinal Entity and as a result of this grievance, it was never credited to my profile. You can find it by searching "staph infection" in the search bar--the name on the account is accurate.
fightingkittens's FML badges
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
fightingkittens's favorite FMLs
by moe / 05/27/2011 at 1:26am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to give a 63 year old man a shot. He started bawling before I even brought out the needle. I tried to get him calm down. Then he grabbed the needle, threw it at me and ran out the door. FML
by Anonymous / 05/26/2011 at 11:05pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by KittenTime / 05/26/2011 at 5:03pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Animals
by Devon / 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML
by f*cks_sake / 05/13/2011 at 7:07pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by vaalcrawford / 05/11/2011 at 12:59am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by CRH / 05/03/2011 at 11:41am / United States (Minnesota) / Health
Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML
by BadgerSpirit / 04/27/2011 at 9:35am / United States (Washington) / Kids
by woahitbechels / 04/24/2011 at 9:10pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML
by ShakeRattleHiss / 04/20/2011 at 11:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm / United States / Animals
Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
by Amy / 03/31/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health