fightingkittens

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Offline (the 11/25/2016 at 12:43am)

fightingkittens

37Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 1 May 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 21192
  • Number of comments : 255
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 30 posted

About fightingkittens : Once upon a time I had an FML published. Unfortunately I neglected to make a proper sacrifice of watermelons and chimney sweeps to the All-Sentient Sniping and Hissing Ovarian Longitudinal Entity and as a result of this grievance, it was never credited to my profile. You can find it by searching "staph infection" in the search bar--the name on the account is accurate.

fightingkittens's page activity

Visits<b>cayteaaaa</b> - 12 hours ago<b>brian1976</b> - the 11/09/2016 at 11:59am<b>Bullshitticus</b> - the 10/27/2016 at 8:07am<b>annoyedperson</b> - the 10/16/2016 at 3:02pm<b>robsmit98</b> - the 10/16/2016 at 4:55am<b>MM100</b> - the 10/03/2016 at 9:07am<b>big_sam1991</b> - the 09/09/2016 at 1:52pm<b>Michael978</b> - the 09/03/2016 at 12:12am<b>Nina_Kristy</b> - the 08/31/2016 at 12:13am<b>Sia_Will</b> - the 08/23/2016 at 9:28pm<b>Steve95401</b> - the 08/22/2016 at 10:13pm<b>username635</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 2:32am<b>deathtojesus</b> - the 08/12/2016 at 9:16am<b>dumbmotherinlaw</b> - the 08/11/2016 at 11:53am<b>wil1029</b> - the 08/09/2016 at 9:17pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 8:57pm<b>lost7702</b> - the 08/01/2016 at 12:15pm<b>BandsRuleBro</b> - the 07/28/2016 at 6:55pm

Fucked!<b>Steve95401</b> - the 08/23/2016 at 4:13am<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 6:13pm<b>csjc</b> - the 06/03/2016 at 3:55pm<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 06/01/2016 at 4:25am<b>tranced_</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 11:09pm<b>dno79</b> - the 05/02/2016 at 10:33pm<b>Rintarok5</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 7:50am<b>Carnage23</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 5:19pm<b>pop17123</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 3:07pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 1:12pm<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 8:35pm<b>mikotomisaki</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 4:05pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 6:39pm<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 11:59pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 8:30pm<b>Um_bye</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 5:18am<b>BlueHorizons</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 7:52am<b>heartofhannah</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 5:22am

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fightingkittens's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML

by anonymous22kittylicklick / 08/20/2011 at 12:44am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

by shitless88 / 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML

by candymansvan17 / 08/17/2011 at 5:50pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, a man with a face like a corpse's shoe started talking to me in the long queue at the Post Office. Apparently, his mother invented the banana, and he's first in line for the throne in France if ever Prince Harry dies. And his breath smelled like Satan's ass gas. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 12:48am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my little brother proudly informed me that he found a way to suck pool water up his asshole. FML

by Gross... / 08/16/2011 at 2:22am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML

by Kathryn / 08/13/2011 at 6:31am / Belgium / Kids

Today, the guy of my dreams told me he liked me and leaned in to kiss me. Just as our lips touched, I ripped a big ass fart. FML

by sydneybourgeois / 08/13/2011 at 12:06am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my car was broken into, and they stole all my CDs, but left my daughter's Black Eyed Peas CD behind. I'm pretty pissed about the theft, but almost glad to see that the delinquents in my town have a decent taste in music. FML

by Musicfan / 08/11/2011 at 10:30pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML

by power corrupts... / 08/07/2011 at 4:29pm / Czech Republic (Plzensky kraj) / Work

Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

by Anonymous / 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

by lostforwords / 08/06/2011 at 3:10pm / Ireland (Tipperary) / Miscellaneous

Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML

by joshua / 08/05/2011 at 8:18pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML

by Username / 08/05/2011 at 10:05am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I came to terms with the fact that my boss owns my soul for the bare minimum wage, and has me so whipped that he probably will for the rest of eternity, or until his ancient, withered, necromantic ass dies. FML

by Username / 08/04/2011 at 2:47pm / United States / Work

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

by makeitstop / 08/04/2011 at 9:41am / United Kingdom / Kids