Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

fightingkittens

Offline (4 hours ago) | Search for a member

fightingkittens

7Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 1 May 1997 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 12346
  • Number of comments : 243
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 30 posted

About fightingkittens : Once upon a time I had an FML published. Unfortunately I neglected to make a proper sacrifice of watermelons and chimney sweeps to the All-Sentient Sniping and Hissing Ovarian Longitudinal Entity and as a result of this grievance, it was never credited to my profile. You can find it by searching "staph infection" in the search bar--the name on the account is accurate.

fightingkittens's page activity

Visits<b>ImDoghouse</b> - yesterday at 11:13pm<b>Wondermage</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 10:54pm<b>elizabeth_black</b> - the 04/12/2015 at 11:11am<b>bjf21</b> - the 04/11/2015 at 11:39pm<b>adamant84</b> - the 04/08/2015 at 12:06pm<b>anshu0688</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 1:02am<b>ProximityToDeath</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 11:42pm<b>GrimReefer66</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 4:07pm<b>lilimae2002</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 1:54am<b>allie2590</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 8:02am<b>Scryll</b> - the 04/02/2015 at 10:52pm<b>mill2775</b> - the 04/02/2015 at 10:22pm<b>1PersonIsMyWorld</b> - the 04/02/2015 at 5:18pm<b>Flippier999</b> - the 04/02/2015 at 4:05pm<b>labracabrador</b> - the 04/02/2015 at 1:54pm<b>brokenjawskhan</b> - the 04/02/2015 at 1:11pm<b>niksatter96</b> - the 04/02/2015 at 12:36pm<b>pangbang</b> - the 03/30/2015 at 7:51am

Fucked!<b>lilimae2002</b> - the 04/04/2015 at 7:54am<b>mill2775</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 4:22am<b>myelias25</b> - the 03/14/2015 at 9:08am<b>Violet_Embers95</b> - the 03/09/2015 at 6:56am<b>robertd73</b> - the 02/05/2015 at 2:26pm<b>kiwifruitred</b> - the 01/20/2015 at 2:28pm<b>spockadelic</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 1:12am

fightingkittens's FML badges

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of fightingkittens's badges

fightingkittens's favorite FMLs

Today, I witnessed the miracle of life. More specifically, my cat giving birth on my bed at four in the morning. FML

#16359645
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35745) - you deserved it (7038)

On 05/26/2011 at 5:03pm - animals - by KittenTime (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML

#16258570
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33062) - you deserved it (20314)

On 05/19/2011 at 9:38pm - misc - by Devon (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

#16217085
441 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38879) - you deserved it (10493)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -

Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML

#16161351
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38721) - you deserved it (9900)

On 05/13/2011 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by f*cks_sake - United States (Ohio)

Today, I puked up a centipede. FML

#16126004
252 comments

Today, at 11 weeks pregnant, I excitedly told my best friend that my baby now has fingernails. Her response was, "You're beginning to sound like a pro-life bumper sticker." FML

#16031516
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23880) - you deserved it (18658)

On 05/03/2011 at 11:41am - misc - by CRH (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML

#15947062
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13422) - you deserved it (39687)

On 04/27/2011 at 9:35am - kids - by BadgerSpirit (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, it's been 5 years I've been working for a man that won't admit he has Tourette's. He sits at his desk, twitching his head and hissing like a snake. He's also randomly said things like 'nipples', 'Jessica Simpson', 'potato peeler', etc. I feel like it's become my job to warn new employees. FML

#15858383
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29846) - you deserved it (4231)

On 04/20/2011 at 11:25am - work - by ShakeRattleHiss (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

#15852262
288 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51319) - you deserved it (8223)

On 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the emergency room. The doctor told me that my injuries and back problems are the intensity of those after a car accident. I slipped on a grape. FML

#15691583
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36498) - you deserved it (5051)

On 04/08/2011 at 6:35am - health - by ridella -

Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML

#15580957
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33534) - you deserved it (6677)

On 03/31/2011 at 9:46pm - health - by Amy - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I co-starred in a production of Hamlet. Halfway through play, the actor playing Hamlet forgot his lines, threw a raging temper tantrum, screaming about how much he hated the play and how he wanted to go home in front of hundreds of audience members. FML

#15497521
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32754) - you deserved it (3260)

On 03/26/2011 at 11:41am - misc - by Sue (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, at work I had to convince an 80 year old mental patient that she's not Ke$ha and that she really has to put her clothes back on. FML

#15432254
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47223) - you deserved it (4457)

On 03/22/2011 at 2:30pm - work - by Kim - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my neighbors got a rooster. FML

#15427360
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58101) - you deserved it (6299)

On 03/22/2011 at 3:23am - animals - by negin -

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

#15415559
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38504) - you deserved it (32107)

On 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wiltshire)



FML's blog

  • Elaillce's illustrated FML
  • So, did you catch the game this week? You know, the one with the ball, the scoring and all that stuff. Isn't that how you're supposed to talk to people? OK, I know nothing about sports and teams, but I…

Friday 17 April 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: