fightingkittens

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Offline (the 08/20/2016 at 2:22am)

fightingkittens

37Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 1 May 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 20089
  • Number of comments : 255
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 30 posted

About fightingkittens : Once upon a time I had an FML published. Unfortunately I neglected to make a proper sacrifice of watermelons and chimney sweeps to the All-Sentient Sniping and Hissing Ovarian Longitudinal Entity and as a result of this grievance, it was never credited to my profile. You can find it by searching "staph infection" in the search bar--the name on the account is accurate.

fightingkittens's page activity

Visits<b>Sia_Will</b> - the 08/23/2016 at 9:28pm<b>Steve95401</b> - the 08/22/2016 at 10:13pm<b>username635</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 2:32am<b>deathtojesus</b> - the 08/12/2016 at 9:16am<b>dumbmotherinlaw</b> - the 08/11/2016 at 11:53am<b>wil1029</b> - the 08/09/2016 at 9:17pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 8:57pm<b>lost7702</b> - the 08/01/2016 at 12:15pm<b>BandsRuleBro</b> - the 07/28/2016 at 6:55pm<b>Bullshitticus</b> - the 07/24/2016 at 7:00am<b>killintime379</b> - the 07/21/2016 at 9:16pm<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 12:13pm<b>pred8885</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 8:59am<b>player20270</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 8:51am<b>Gruffplatypus87</b> - the 06/03/2016 at 3:27pm<b>csjc</b> - the 06/03/2016 at 9:54am<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 05/31/2016 at 10:24pm<b>MrConfusion</b> - the 05/31/2016 at 7:52pm

Fucked!<b>Steve95401</b> - the 08/23/2016 at 4:13am<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 6:13pm<b>csjc</b> - the 06/03/2016 at 3:55pm<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 06/01/2016 at 4:25am<b>tranced_</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 11:09pm<b>dno79</b> - the 05/02/2016 at 10:33pm<b>Rintarok5</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 7:50am<b>Carnage23</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 5:19pm<b>pop17123</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 3:07pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 1:12pm<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 8:35pm<b>mikotomisaki</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 4:05pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 6:39pm<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 11:59pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 8:30pm<b>Um_bye</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 5:18am<b>BlueHorizons</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 7:52am<b>heartofhannah</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 5:22am

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Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

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How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

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fightingkittens's favorite FMLs

Today, I found my husband Googling Morse Code. He thinks his farts are trying to communicate with him. FML

by KJL / 08/29/2011 at 11:38am / United States / Health

Today, I went to my doctor for a check-up. It started with the doctor lifting my shirt up to check my heartbeat, and ended with my gran starting a fistfight over his "perverted ways." FML

by sad child / 08/27/2011 at 3:45am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

by f*ckingdisgusted / 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm / United States / Kids

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

by f*ckingdisgusted / 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm / United States / Kids

Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm / United States / Animals

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2011 at 5:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock. He said "Hi I'm Jeffrey, and this is Jeffrey junior" while directing attention towards his penis. It's going to be a long semester. FML

by InAnAwkwardSituation / 08/25/2011 at 1:26am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, some blowhard on a motorcycle yelled at me for jaywalking, causing him to almost hit a dumpster. He picked up and threw an empty beer can at me when I started giggling at the sticker on the front of his helmet that said "If you can read this, I have lost my caravan." FML

by josie345 / 08/24/2011 at 10:07pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

by skichick54 / 08/24/2011 at 1:28am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandpa told me what he'd do if he was president. I sat there for 30 minutes listening to how he'd get rid of prisons, send all the prisoners to a desert for 5 years and give them a gun to fight over. And then he'd surgically attach child molesters' penises to their foreheads. FML

by Andrew / 08/23/2011 at 10:46am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I married the man of my dreams. At the after-party, my psycho grandma stood up, called for quiet, and engaged in a long rant about how this was "the beginning of the end" and advising everyone that the secret to a successful marriage is "cheating, plain and simple". FML

by Anonymous / 08/21/2011 at 4:18pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love

Today, I found out apparently, I have a weird looking vagina. How? My boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. He took one look at my vagina and with a look of horror said, "I have never seen one this GROSS." He's a gynecologist and probably sees 20 vaginas a day. FML

by Username / 08/21/2011 at 5:59am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, I had to say "Put away your burrito," "that ruler is not a light saber," and "stop making dog noises" all in the same sentence at work. I teach Advanced Placement Calculus to high school seniors. FML

by Anonymous / 08/20/2011 at 3:42am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was at Target deciding what chap-stick to get when an old lady violently hit me with her umbrella and kept yelling at me saying, "You are too young for this! Think twice!" FML

by anonymous22kittylicklick / 08/20/2011 at 12:44am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

by shitless88 / 08/19/2011 at 8:23pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous