About fightingkittens : Once upon a time I had an FML published. Unfortunately I neglected to make a proper sacrifice of watermelons and chimney sweeps to the All-Sentient Sniping and Hissing Ovarian Longitudinal Entity and as a result of this grievance, it was never credited to my profile. You can find it by searching "staph infection" in the search bar--the name on the account is accurate.
fightingkittens's FML badges
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
fightingkittens's favorite FMLs
Today, at 7am, I was woken up by a telemarketer. He tried to sell me a bedroom set containing "a comfortable pillow and goose feather cover". I was working the graveyard shift and had only just gotten to sleep an hour earlier. FML
by kareltje / 09/14/2011 at 2:50pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Work
by Anonymous / 09/13/2011 at 2:05am / United States (Tennessee) / Animals
by silent one / 09/12/2011 at 1:30am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had a creepy old guy with awful body odor in my salon. As I was washing his hair, he brought up how he wants to start a garden, and how a woman's monthly flow weirdly helps to make it grow. Then he asked me if I can save up my used tampons for him. FML
by fashionista1787 / 09/11/2011 at 11:23pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Work
Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML
by CaseyFpC85 / 09/11/2011 at 11:13am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by 5.9Cummins / 09/10/2011 at 11:18pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, I bought a book by a #1 bestselling author, hoping it would distract me from having my manuscript rejected, as well as learn what made their book so successful. Now I realize I need to say stuff like, "I wish I had great boobs (hehe... boobs)" to get my works published. FML
by WishIWasAWriter / 09/08/2011 at 2:03pm / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Miscellaneous
by AudraRose / 09/07/2011 at 12:57pm / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 09/02/2011 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Love
by bob / 09/01/2011 at 1:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
by piece of shed / 08/31/2011 at 10:00am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, I visited my son at work. He's an interpreter for the government. As I watched him converse with a group of men, I was overcome with pride. Then the woman next to me said "I can't believe they're talking about that in public." They were discussing masturbation techniques. FML
by mystupidson / 08/30/2011 at 11:30pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by dck128 / 08/29/2011 at 6:05pm / United States (Tennessee) / Work
by KJL / 08/29/2011 at 11:38am / United States / Health
by sad child / 08/27/2011 at 3:45am / United States (New York) / Health
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…