About fightingkittens : Once upon a time I had an FML published. Unfortunately I neglected to make a proper sacrifice of watermelons and chimney sweeps to the All-Sentient Sniping and Hissing Ovarian Longitudinal Entity and as a result of this grievance, it was never credited to my profile. You can find it by searching "staph infection" in the search bar--the name on the account is accurate.
fightingkittens's FML badges
The Thumb returns
You have thumbed 5000 comments.
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
fightingkittens's favorite FMLs
Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML
by killme / 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, a friend sent me a song. I didn't have time to listen to it all, so I listened to the first 30 seconds of it to get a feel for it. It was nice and uplifting, so I sent it to my mom. Turns out, after the first 30 seconds, the singer brightens his day by singing about his enormous penis. FML
by Microtron / 03/02/2015 at 7:48pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/26/2015 at 6:24pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Miscellaneous
by highschoolsucks / 01/20/2015 at 9:41pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/02/2015 at 11:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by Anonymous / 12/20/2014 at 5:42pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids
by fuck / 12/16/2014 at 4:04pm / Norway (Buskerud) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/12/2014 at 11:02am / United States (Alaska) / Intimacy
by supertacowaffle / 11/28/2014 at 3:47pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Miscellaneous
Today, after Thanksgiving dinner, we all played Cards Against Humanity. On one round, I was the dealer, and I received "foreskin" as a card. When I said this, my grandmother told me that apparently, after my ritual circumcision, my grandfather buried my foreskin under our rosebushes. FML
by mainlineloser / 11/28/2014 at 12:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML
by amazinghermit / 11/24/2014 at 11:21pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Animals
by noxiffic / 10/31/2014 at 8:31am / Norway (Rogaland) / Animals
by Airplane crap / 10/21/2014 at 4:13pm / United States (Kansas) / Transportation
Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous
by longdrive / 10/14/2014 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Transportation