fightingkittens

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fightingkittens

32Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 1 May 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 18032
  • Number of comments : 253
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 30 posted

About fightingkittens : Once upon a time I had an FML published. Unfortunately I neglected to make a proper sacrifice of watermelons and chimney sweeps to the All-Sentient Sniping and Hissing Ovarian Longitudinal Entity and as a result of this grievance, it was never credited to my profile. You can find it by searching "staph infection" in the search bar--the name on the account is accurate.

fightingkittens's page activity

Visits<b>dno79</b> - 11 hours ago<b>NH_Freelancer</b> - 14 hours ago<b>four0seven</b> - 24 hours ago<b>rissamarie</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 8:27pm<b>BShek</b> - the 04/29/2016 at 5:17pm<b>Rintarok5</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 1:50am<b>eyepuppy</b> - the 04/25/2016 at 10:53pm<b>StyrisSand</b> - the 04/21/2016 at 7:44pm<b>URBeingLied2</b> - the 04/21/2016 at 5:29pm<b>arich6210</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 10:22pm<b>Carnage23</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 11:19am<b>racerboy102</b> - the 04/13/2016 at 10:07pm<b>kawayi</b> - the 04/01/2016 at 5:56pm<b>storethis</b> - the 03/31/2016 at 1:27pm<b>Testing1234</b> - the 03/27/2016 at 11:38pm<b>DrSirSexyLegs</b> - the 03/21/2016 at 2:14am<b>i_wuz_nver_here</b> - the 03/08/2016 at 2:57am<b>saxyguy</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 2:13pm

Fucked!<b>dno79</b> - 5 hours ago<b>Rintarok5</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 7:50am<b>Carnage23</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 5:19pm<b>pop17123</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 3:07pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 1:12pm<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 8:35pm<b>mikotomisaki</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 4:05pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 6:39pm<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 11:59pm<b>Hrodrik</b> - the 12/14/2015 at 8:36am<b>delfino1604</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 8:30pm<b>Um_bye</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 5:18am<b>BlueHorizons</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 7:52am<b>heartofhannah</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 5:22am<b>warrenhoward42</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 4:20am<b>Matheo</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 11:13pm<b>fastman19</b> - the 09/21/2015 at 1:18pm<b>Mcstud1y</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 3:41am

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fightingkittens's favorite FMLs

Today, I stayed over at my boyfriend's house for the first time. He soon found out about my sleep-talking habit. I started ranting about "electron shaming" and I apparently passionately support their "sub-atomic lifestyle". Yes, he managed to get it on video. FML

by wantmeasandwich / 07/10/2015 at 12:57pm / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML

by Anonymous / 07/04/2015 at 2:25am / Japan (Tokyo) / Health

Today, an old lady wearing a low-cut shirt with no bra underneath came into my line with some groceries. At some point while bagging her groceries, her wrinkled breast slipped out of her shirt. She didn't even notice. I wish to fuck I could unsee this. FML

by Anonymous / 06/27/2015 at 2:15am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" / 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, my brother tried cremating our deceased cat. In the oven. My nose has killed itself. FML

by thatguy8878 / 06/26/2015 at 4:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

by oh no / 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, I wore a sleeveless shirt for the first time in years, when I glimpsed something on my shoulder that looked like a spider. I let out a scream that sounded like a donkey having a stroke and flailed my arms. Then I realized it was my tattoo, and that I was freaking out everyone on the bus. FML

by HURP / 06/17/2015 at 11:41am / Canada (Alberta) / Transportation

Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2015 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML

Today, I pulled a piece of dental floss out of my ass. How it got there is one of life's great mysteries. FML

by Anonymous / 05/03/2015 at 3:42am / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find what I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was like a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, my anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML

by Anonymous / 03/20/2015 at 12:56pm / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Work

Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to "Get a life. Or better pickup lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML

by fuck / 03/18/2015 at 1:40pm / Netherlands / Miscellaneous

Today, while working at McDonald's, a guy asked me to deep fry his salad. FML

Today, I've managed to go my whole nine-year teaching career without anyone vomiting in my classroom. That record was broken today when someone vomited four successive times in front of a class of 46 students. It was me. FML

by musicteacher / 03/12/2015 at 6:23am / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML

by parkoursam / 03/10/2015 at 12:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.