fightingkittens

Search for a member

Offline (the 09/21/2016 at 4:53am)

fightingkittens

37Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Thursday 1 May 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 20442
  • Number of comments : 255
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 30 posted

About fightingkittens : Once upon a time I had an FML published. Unfortunately I neglected to make a proper sacrifice of watermelons and chimney sweeps to the All-Sentient Sniping and Hissing Ovarian Longitudinal Entity and as a result of this grievance, it was never credited to my profile. You can find it by searching "staph infection" in the search bar--the name on the account is accurate.

fightingkittens's page activity

Visits<b>big_sam1991</b> - the 09/09/2016 at 1:52pm<b>Michael978</b> - the 09/03/2016 at 12:12am<b>Nina_Kristy</b> - the 08/31/2016 at 12:13am<b>Sia_Will</b> - the 08/23/2016 at 9:28pm<b>Steve95401</b> - the 08/22/2016 at 10:13pm<b>username635</b> - the 08/13/2016 at 2:32am<b>deathtojesus</b> - the 08/12/2016 at 9:16am<b>dumbmotherinlaw</b> - the 08/11/2016 at 11:53am<b>wil1029</b> - the 08/09/2016 at 9:17pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 08/07/2016 at 8:57pm<b>lost7702</b> - the 08/01/2016 at 12:15pm<b>BandsRuleBro</b> - the 07/28/2016 at 6:55pm<b>Bullshitticus</b> - the 07/24/2016 at 7:00am<b>killintime379</b> - the 07/21/2016 at 9:16pm<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 12:13pm<b>pred8885</b> - the 06/22/2016 at 8:59am<b>player20270</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 8:51am<b>Gruffplatypus87</b> - the 06/03/2016 at 3:27pm

Fucked!<b>Steve95401</b> - the 08/23/2016 at 4:13am<b>ImKimitheEmo</b> - the 07/19/2016 at 6:13pm<b>csjc</b> - the 06/03/2016 at 3:55pm<b>ThunderLightTSV</b> - the 06/01/2016 at 4:25am<b>tranced_</b> - the 05/12/2016 at 11:09pm<b>dno79</b> - the 05/02/2016 at 10:33pm<b>Rintarok5</b> - the 04/28/2016 at 7:50am<b>Carnage23</b> - the 04/15/2016 at 5:19pm<b>pop17123</b> - the 01/31/2016 at 3:07pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 01/28/2016 at 1:12pm<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 01/17/2016 at 8:35pm<b>mikotomisaki</b> - the 12/29/2015 at 4:05pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 12/28/2015 at 6:39pm<b>gobiteme2</b> - the 12/26/2015 at 11:59pm<b>delfino1604</b> - the 11/10/2015 at 8:30pm<b>Um_bye</b> - the 11/07/2015 at 5:18am<b>BlueHorizons</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 7:52am<b>heartofhannah</b> - the 09/22/2015 at 5:22am

fightingkittens's FML badges

The Thumb returns

You have thumbed 5000 comments.

Facebook

Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.

Gold Rush

How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?

See all of fightingkittens's badges

fightingkittens's favorite FMLs

Today, I ended up in the ER because I ruptured a testicle by accidentally sitting on it. Last time I ever go commando. FML

by neveragain / 02/12/2016 at 2:10pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Health

Today, I experienced one of those moments in life you never forget. I walked into a homeless man masturbating in a parking garage stairwell. FML

by scarredforlife / 02/12/2016 at 4:00am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Intimacy

Today, I found my 6-year-old daughter recording herself on her little tape recorder. When I asked her what she was up to, she replied in her cute little voice, "I'm recording myself so you'll have a souvenir when I'm dead." FML

by DarkChild / 02/11/2016 at 5:18pm / France / Kids

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

by sweetie808 / 01/28/2016 at 3:39am / United States (Hawaii) / Animals

Today, my fiancée was asleep, so I decided to spoon her from behind and cup her boobs to wake her up nicely. She responded by yelling, "THE TOAST!" and elbowing me in the face whilst still asleep. FML

by mouse_13 / 01/15/2016 at 1:28am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm spending Christmas Eve at the hospital. Why? Because when I blew my nose, a ball of flesh connected to a tendril of skin shot out, and it wouldn't go back up. FML

by yek / 12/24/2015 at 2:01pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Health

Today, as I passed a printout over my shoulder to my mum, I managed to give myself a papercut on my tear duct. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2015 at 12:11pm / Germany / Health

Today, I had to explain to my Romanian colleague that, no, a cat flap is not a euphemism for a vagina. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2015 at 8:07am / Intimacy

Today, at work, I used my foot to flush the toilet, lost my balance, and ended up catching myself with my foot in the toilet. FML

by gmian / 12/06/2015 at 12:06am / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, my 4-year-old twin boys are fighting because they both want to watch the SAME show on Netflix. They don't want the other one to choose, because somehow that invalidates their own choice, even though they both get to watch what they want, which is "Barbie, life in the dream house". FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2015 at 12:13pm / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

by coolest_mom / 11/25/2015 at 1:00am / Kids

Today, I was roused from my peaceful slumber by the sound of evil laughter coming from my closet. It was my old Furby, with dead batteries, that I could have sworn I got rid of several years ago. FML

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

by Kidsthesedays / 11/09/2015 at 2:33pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

by shh / 10/09/2015 at 3:06am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, in the middle of a presentation, I fought a shart, but the shart won. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2015 at 11:10am / United States (Florida) / Work