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About fightingkittens : Does anyone else find it mildly disturbing that they not only publish the date but the day of your birth?
Between your Facebook account and your FML account, things are no longer complicated: their relationship is official. We like this.
How about we run you a bath and give you a new car as well?
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
TODAY, I SPENT AN OUR IN MY CAR TERRIFIED TO GO INSIDE BECAUSE I TOUGT MY OUSE WAS BEING BURGLED. I SAW RAPID SADOWS IN TE LIGT OF MY LOUNGE. EVENTUALLY I PLUCKED UP TE COURAGE TO CREEP INSIDE WIT A ROCK TO FINE IT WASN'T A ROBBER. IT WAS MY CATS, FIGTING IN FRONT OF A TOPPLED LAMP. FML
Today... I was leading a tour of mah university and saw a girl in rippd jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck mah dick... bitch." FML
Today, I witnessd some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. ( Goddamn negger ), I mutterd. ( The fuck did u just say?! ) yelld a black guy standing beside me. FML
Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made looool up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML
2day mah husband felt dishonoured: his darling little girl the love of his life whom he's alway considered pure turns out to be pregnant. He's now warned her: she's grounded and that whoever did this to her had better come hanging round the house. Pussy two years old is now housebound until her kitten are born. FML
Today, I had to stop at a gas station to go to the bathroom. A sign on the door told people to knock since the door didn't lock. As I was peieng, a lady walked in on me. Rather than simply saying sorry and shutting the damn door, she opened it wider and stepped in to apologize. FML
Today, I sat in on a university-level pysics lecture, listening to ma yped-up co-students approximating te ypotetical situation of te Sun consisting of gerbils!! Te conversation ten continued towards looool ow muc better energy/mass ratio te gerbil-sun would ave compared to te actual star!! FML
Today I was walking mah dogs when a woman at a bus stop quite rudely exclaimd "Keep those mutts away from mah kid"!! I replid just as rudely that I wouldn't want them anywhere near her dirty sprog!! It was then we both realisd she was a customer that I regularly talk to at work!! real FML
Friday 27 March 2015