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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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fetushead148

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fetushead148
  • Town/Country : Smithville, WV, America
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 26 December 1991 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 377
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About fetushead148 : my name is austin.
that's about all that's important. :)

fetushead148's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

fetushead148's favorite FMLs

Today, I asked my Swedish friend for some lines to impress this swedish girl I met at an expat party he took me to. I practised them all evening before I met her. I told her my feelings, and she scowled. Apparently I had wished the devil upon her - after asking if i could ejaculate on her face. FML

#2964628 (137)

I agree, your life sucks (41268) - you deserved it (15820)

On 06/17/2009 at 10:57am - intimacy - by Dirtyswede (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML

#2940204 (172)

I agree, your life sucks (51137) - you deserved it (4225)

On 06/16/2009 at 1:22pm - intimacy - by enderw (man) - United States

Today, I sprained my wrist playing Guitar Hero. The ER doctor called all of his coworkers in to hear my story. They all laughed. FML

#2939443 (219)

I agree, your life sucks (13561) - you deserved it (32082)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:43pm - misc - by Slash (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my toddler peed in his potty for the first time. He was so excited to show me that he flung the pot in the air dousing my face with his piss. Then he laughed. FML

#2933331 (113)

I agree, your life sucks (41949) - you deserved it (3333)

On 06/16/2009 at 3:03am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was enjoying some much needed serenity while I ate lunch in an empty park. To my surprise, an older, clean cut man in a suit sits on the bench next to me. Without saying a word, he unleashes the most foul of farts I've ever witnessed, gets up, gives me a nod and leaves. FML

#2932416 (203)

I agree, your life sucks (61410) - you deserved it (3890)

On 06/16/2009 at 2:15am - misc - by Tim (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

#2919658 (114)

I agree, your life sucks (20777) - you deserved it (34014)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:18pm - intimacy - by kitkat545 (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML

#2774700 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (9446) - you deserved it (50419)

On 06/10/2009 at 3:42pm - work - by crosseyed (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML

#2772494 (859)

I agree, your life sucks (85949) - you deserved it (50907)

On 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm - intimacy - by badmom (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

#2738282 (309)

I agree, your life sucks (84982) - you deserved it (2927)

On 06/09/2009 at 9:36am - intimacy - by SleepyKirsty (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

#2736001 (253)

I agree, your life sucks (67653) - you deserved it (3585)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

#2722142 (287)

I agree, your life sucks (69767) - you deserved it (14573)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my mother found condoms in my room. She asked why and I said "Just in case." She started laughing hysterically. FML

#2691661 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (60528) - you deserved it (6592)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:07pm - intimacy - by Person (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in, playing hard to get. When I heard him say something about a date I take an earphone out and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there!" His response, "They're not connected to anything," holds up the end of my earphones and walks away. FML

#2687233 (330)

I agree, your life sucks (6745) - you deserved it (82068)

On 06/07/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after masturbating in the shower, I heard my phone go off outside the bathroom. After my mom saw me get my phone to check my messages she said "I think you're addicted to that", to which I said "but it feels so good and every guy does it." She was talking about how I text people a lot. FML

#2682803 (202)

I agree, your life sucks (9355) - you deserved it (53361)

On 06/07/2009 at 2:47am - intimacy - by Jon (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw my super creepy live-in uncle standing in the kitchen holding a pair of my underwear and smiling at it, humming to himself. He didn't see me. I stood there for at least 30 seconds in shock, and when I backed away he was still looking at them. FML

#2531202 (627)

I agree, your life sucks (96447) - you deserved it (3616)

On 06/02/2009 at 12:46pm - misc - by wtf. (woman) - United States (Utah)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.