fermata

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fermata

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 31332
  • Number of comments : 44
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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fermata's page activity

Visits<b>demonddm</b> - the 09/06/2015 at 5:13pm<b>cryssycakesx3</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 2:04am<b>twisted_riri</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 12:26am<b>Rainhawk94</b> - the 12/11/2013 at 11:20pm<b></b> - the 03/10/2011 at 3:57am<b>mari0958</b> - the 07/03/2009 at 4:52pm<b>cutebutpsycho</b> - the 06/08/2009 at 12:55pm<b>smokey23</b> - the 06/04/2009 at 8:23pm<b>dem54</b> - the 06/04/2009 at 7:21pm<b>jerseystreetking</b> - the 06/04/2009 at 6:06pm<b>Logan23</b> - the 06/04/2009 at 5:58pm<b>DarkMirror</b> - the 06/04/2009 at 5:55pm<b>kttywitt7</b> - the 05/31/2009 at 7:10am<b>OhzNoes</b> - the 05/28/2009 at 9:15pm<b>blue16</b> - the 05/27/2009 at 3:17pm<b>shaPOW</b> - the 05/27/2009 at 12:51am<b>Cantabguy</b> - the 05/26/2009 at 1:30pm<b>chunkofchange</b> - the 05/25/2009 at 5:29pm

fermata's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

fermata's favorite FMLs

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

by Shoes / 06/12/2009 at 1:33am / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had tried to fake his own death because he thought it would be easier than confessing to the affair he was having. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2009 at 12:41am / United States / Love

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

by SleepyKirsty / 06/09/2009 at 9:36am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from Facebook, requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2009 at 6:41am / Singapore / Love

Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML

by BW / 06/07/2009 at 5:49pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, I had a 3rd date with a great guy. Over dinner, he told me that he wanted to see more of me. When I agreed, he pulled out his schedule book and started to tell me he was dating 5 other women besides me. He then told me what week in the "rotation" would be mine. He wasn't kidding. FML

by shescomfortablynumb / 06/05/2009 at 3:49am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

by Anonymous / 06/04/2009 at 4:10pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

by alexis89 / 05/26/2009 at 12:53pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

by sucks / 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

by Ohshit / 05/17/2009 at 2:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML

by insideout / 05/10/2009 at 4:25pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

by notsexy / 05/09/2009 at 11:51am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

by Jinthebar / 05/06/2009 at 12:13am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

by Dunzo15 / 05/02/2009 at 2:28am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2009 at 8:05pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy