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fermata

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  • Number of visits : 30871
  • Number of comments : 44
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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fermata's page activity

Visits<b>cryssycakesx3</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 2:04am<b>twisted_riri</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 12:26am<b>Rainhawk94</b> - the 12/11/2013 at 11:20pm<b>mari0958</b> - the 07/03/2009 at 4:52pm<b>cutebutpsycho</b> - the 06/08/2009 at 12:55pm<b>smokey23</b> - the 06/04/2009 at 8:23pm<b>dem54</b> - the 06/04/2009 at 7:21pm<b>jerseystreetking</b> - the 06/04/2009 at 6:06pm<b>Logan23</b> - the 06/04/2009 at 5:58pm<b>DarkMirror</b> - the 06/04/2009 at 5:55pm<b>kttywitt7</b> - the 05/31/2009 at 7:10am<b>OhzNoes</b> - the 05/28/2009 at 9:15pm<b>blue16</b> - the 05/27/2009 at 3:17pm<b>shaPOW</b> - the 05/27/2009 at 12:51am<b>Cantabguy</b> - the 05/26/2009 at 1:30pm<b>chunkofchange</b> - the 05/25/2009 at 5:29pm<b>5PoPpIn6DrOpPiN</b> - the 05/22/2009 at 8:55am<b>td32</b> - the 05/20/2009 at 5:06pm

fermata's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

fermata's favorite FMLs

Today, I was helping an old man find a pair of shoes. I told him about a particularly comfortable pair but had to inform him that they only came in black or white. Hearing this, the old man grabbed me around the neck and began to beat me in the head with our display shoe. He wanted brown. FML

#2821458
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69567) - you deserved it (3740)

On 06/12/2009 at 1:33am - work - by Shoes (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had tried to fake his own death because he thought it would be easier than confessing to the affair he was having. FML

#2820060
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64920) - you deserved it (2982)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:41am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

#2738282
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (108511) - you deserved it (4848)

On 06/09/2009 at 9:36am - intimacy - by SleepyKirsty (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I wasn't expecting anything too romantic, but I would have liked something more than an email from Facebook, requesting my confirmation that we were engaged. FML

#2713255
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (95189) - you deserved it (6707)

On 06/08/2009 at 6:41am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Singapore

Today, I woke up to my wife talking in her sleep, "No Brandon! I don't want to have sex!" My wife won't have sex with me when she's awake OR in her dreams. FML

#2697150
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (72511) - you deserved it (5649)

On 06/07/2009 at 5:49pm - intimacy - by BW (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I had a 3rd date with a great guy. Over dinner, he told me that he wanted to see more of me. When I agreed, he pulled out his schedule book and started to tell me he was dating 5 other women besides me. He then told me what week in the "rotation" would be mine. He wasn't kidding. FML

#2624413
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58928) - you deserved it (4258)

On 06/05/2009 at 3:49am - misc - by shescomfortablynumb (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex. Over breakfast, she said it was the most intense, primal and mind-blowing sexual experience she ever had. Problem is, I don't remember a damned thing. FML

#2602287
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65859) - you deserved it (9311)

On 06/04/2009 at 4:10pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Attempting to make things a little more exciting, I said in my sexiest voice "oh yeah, harder." My boyfriend who apparently doesn't like talking dirty, pulled out and angrily said "I was trying, what more do you want?" FML

#2308066
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71262) - you deserved it (18462)

On 05/26/2009 at 12:53pm - intimacy - by alexis89 (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

#2026481
437 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32014) - you deserved it (141794)

On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

#2005903
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28853) - you deserved it (85924)

On 05/17/2009 at 2:42am - intimacy - by Ohshit (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I tried for the first time putting a condom on my boyfriend using my mouth. I freaked out, swallowed, and started choking on the condom. FML

#1775896
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30902) - you deserved it (78332)

On 05/09/2009 at 11:51am - intimacy - by notsexy (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

#1681747
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62492) - you deserved it (7221)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

#1550190
359 comments

I agree, your life sucks (181534) - you deserved it (46727)

On 05/02/2009 at 2:28am - work - by Dunzo15 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor went through the normal questions, then paused for a moment and jotted something down. Later when I got back my report from the checkup, I noticed that the doctor had checked the "no" box by "sexually active." She didn't even ask me that. FML

#1536104
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77399) - you deserved it (5769)

On 05/01/2009 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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