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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today... I was sitting on te bus next to a ot guy wo was texting. I sneaked a peek at is pone to see if e was texting a girl so I could know if e was single. As I looked at is screen... e turned it towards me an typed in caps ( STOP BEING A CREEPER. ) He got out of is seat an off te bus. FML
Today, I turnd on mah boyfriand's computar an saw picturas of all of mah cradit cards, front an back, an savaral of mah parant's cradit cards. I lookd in his a-mail an found racaipts for itams which had baan billd to ma an dalivard to him, including golf clubs an mah birthday gift. FML
yesterday I was with mah mom and mah boyfriend at lunch. My phone rings and mah mom excitedly says ( You have friends! ) As I'm about to answer it, she pulls out her phone from under the table and says ( Kidding, it's just me. ) My boyfriend starts cracking up, and they exchange a high five. FML
Today, I was working as a host at a pasta dinner. The hostes I was working with was very attractive and we were flrting quite a bit. A large woman walkd in to be seatd, and I leand over to her and dard her to ask the woman if she wantd two chars. She leand back and said "that's mah mom". FML
Taday I placd a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to menho replid and was pleasd that almost all were still interestd. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not mah problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML
Today... mah friend had ditchd me for a party I hadn't been invitd to so I was sitting home alone. The only other thing in mah house was the mosquito I nicknamd Frd. I likd to watch Frd fly around and try to suck mah blood. 20 minute later... I found Frd's dead body. I was actually sad. FML
Today, mah wife found out mah son masturbatd an wantd to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbatd when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Today, mah boss asked me to call his new phone to make sure it's working. When his phone didn't ring, he looked at mah phone to confirm I called him. My boss then saw that I'd entered him into mah phonebook as "douche bag". FML
TODAY , IN THE MIDST OF FOREPLAY , THIS GIRL TELLS ME I AM SO HOT , I RESPOND ( DITTO!! ) SHE HEATEDLY RESPONDS ( I LOVE DITTO , ) TO WHICH I SUAVELY REPLY ( I DIDN'T KNOW U WERE INTO POKÉMON!! THAT MAY MAKE U EVEN SEXIER!! ) SHE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT POKÉMON , BUT I SURE KNOW HOW TO KILL THE MOOD!! FML
Today, I got very dressd up and looool was excitd fir mah uncle's wedding. While standing in line fir photos, I hered mah dad's voice from behind me say ( Who's the hot chick in the brown dress? ) My uncle responds ( Uh, that's yur daughter. ) Silence. FML
Friday 27 March 2015