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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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eyFuckmylife

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eyFuckmylife
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  • Number of visits : 339
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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eyFuckmylife's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom held an intervention for me. Yesterday, I told her I'd tried pot once. Seven years ago. FML

#6983853 (120)

I agree, your life sucks (21233) - you deserved it (3712)

On 12/28/2009 at 12:02am - health - by EgoMoose (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in bed with my cat on my lap. No one was around, so I felt comfortable enough to let out a huge fart. What I didn't expect was my cat jumping up and then clawing and biting my crotch. FML

#6971032 (98)

I agree, your life sucks (8636) - you deserved it (17247)

On 12/27/2009 at 8:04am - animals - by axwound (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to the mall with my mum. She had a few too many drinks the night before. As soon as we got into the mall, she puked. She walked around the mall with me, blowing chunks into a plastic bag. FML

#6952779 (48)

I agree, your life sucks (19188) - you deserved it (1597)

On 12/26/2009 at 4:10am - misc - by mothapuka (woman) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I was at the cinema. There was a really tall woman in front of me and whenever I leaned to the right or left she would lean to the same side I do. Later, she started laughing. They guy next to her was telling her where I moved. FML

#6806801 (116)

I agree, your life sucks (21289) - you deserved it (1974)

On 12/18/2009 at 3:42am - misc - by Mogg (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML

#6544765 (193)

I agree, your life sucks (24509) - you deserved it (9089)

On 12/01/2009 at 12:00am - love - by toastedguy (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I took my girlfriend of three years on a romantic picnic to the park, so I could propose to her. The moment was just right, I made my move. I knelt down on one knee and asked her. Her response was "you're kneeling in dog poop." I looked down. She was right. FML

#6449433 (88)

I agree, your life sucks (29496) - you deserved it (3403)

On 11/25/2009 at 5:39pm - love - by CombatShadow45 - United States (Florida)

Today, I put on my hazard lights, pulled over to the side of the road, and stopped traffic on a busy road to rescue a black cat that had been hit by a car. With everyone watching, I got a towel and slowly approached the cat. It was a garbage bag. FML

#6444346 (122)

I agree, your life sucks (10115) - you deserved it (21883)

On 11/25/2009 at 11:57am - animals - by TinyDancer22 (woman) - United States (Florida)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I learned explosive diarrhea is real. I felt it coming and dashed into our supermarket. 10 feet in, liquid poo started spewing down my pants legs. 150 feet to go. I ran. It ran. They watched. After 15 minutes of cleaning, I slunk out. Now, I have to find a new market, maybe a new town. FML

#6433881 (101)

I agree, your life sucks (29661) - you deserved it (1980)

On 11/24/2009 at 6:44am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I applied some things I learned reading a "How to please a woman" book. My wife was in heaven until it was over, then she started crying and yelling about the only way I would learn those things is if I was having an affair. I explained but she doesn't believe me. FML

#6363732 (59)

I agree, your life sucks (16539) - you deserved it (1350)

On 11/19/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)