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Offline (the 09/05/2016 at 10:13pm)



  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 15 March 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 3562
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 11 posted

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evnflr's page activity

Visits<b>xKrisSmoove</b> - the 04/06/2015 at 10:05pm<b>Squtchy</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 7:46pm<b>tyoung94</b> - the 05/21/2014 at 11:35pm<b>breebree893</b> - the 12/25/2013 at 3:57am<b>farhil</b> - the 12/05/2011 at 8:08pm

evnflr's FML badges

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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evnflr's favorite FMLs

Today, I forbade a student in the writing seminar I instructed from continuing to present his disturbing poems about demons. He responded to this by convincing nearly every other student in the seminar to write and read out loud several of his poems. FML

by ihateloopholes / 06/21/2015 at 4:42pm / Lebanon (Beyrouth) / Work

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

by notgay / 06/21/2015 at 2:04am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

by baberuth / 06/19/2015 at 6:21pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2015 at 3:00pm / United States / Animals

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

by shmarf / 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, it's my birthday. I had asked my parents for a keyboard, and I was really excited to open the massive box they gave me. It was a computer keyboard. I've been playing piano for 11 years. FML

by THANKS / 06/19/2015 at 4:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2015 at 2:59am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, after waking up in a panic because I was running late for work again, I realized I was fired for that exact reason the day before. FML

by Jobless in Seattle / 05/04/2015 at 10:08pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I got screamed at to the point of tears by a Starbucks employee for "giving an obviously fake name" to confuse one of the employees. I told her my real name. My name is Ian. FML

by to_complicated_4_u / 05/04/2015 at 12:28pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother walked in on me watching porn. As punishment, she sat down and made me watch the rest of it with her as she gave play-by-play commentary. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2015 at 10:19pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm faced with the prospect of having to defend my sister from a herd of very angry bronies. FML

by Why? / 03/05/2015 at 5:34pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, during a family game of "Cards Against Humanity," I had to explain to my mom what queefing is. FML

Today, my roommate let out a blood-curdling scream in the bathroom. I ran in to see what was going on, only to find her sitting on the toilet, topless. Turned out she'd tried to pierce her own tit using a clothespin and a needle. FML

by Anonymous / 02/15/2015 at 12:57pm / Denmark / Miscellaneous

Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2015 at 3:24pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I announced to my friends that my grandmother is dying. My best friend pulled out his phone and casually announced, "Technically, everyone is dying." FML

by Dartfrogger / 02/12/2015 at 2:16pm / United States (Utah) / Health