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Today, while I was going down on my husband, our 3-year-old daughter woke up and started crying from the other room. He practically burst into tears too, whining that she was doing it on purpose to ruin his fun. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37257) - you deserved it (3444)
On 03/15/2013 at 6:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)
Today, my prom dress finally arrived. My prom was yesterday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43454) - you deserved it (9082)
On 03/15/2013 at 3:09am - misc - by ipaid350dollarsfornothing - Qatar
Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33325) - you deserved it (4024)
On 03/15/2013 at 1:44am - misc - by fmlman - United States (Wyoming)
Today, I invited my girlfriend to go eat out, hoping to put her in a really romantic mood. She decided to tell her friend, who then invited herself and another couple along. I ended up being made fifth wheel, and had to sit alone at an adjacent table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32715) - you deserved it (2663)
On 03/13/2013 at 7:22pm - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, as always, I'm dating one of the few girls who, without fail, always finishes first when we get intimate. She's also one of those girlfriends who doesn't want to continue once she's done. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34999) - you deserved it (4894)
On 03/13/2013 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by WhyDoINeedAName - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35146) - you deserved it (11258)
On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20351) - you deserved it (6209)
On 03/12/2013 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I asked my boyfriend to give me a back rub. He claimed that he had a sore hand, so I retorted, "You have two hands, right?" Still bitter about not being able to have sex with me while I'm on my period, he shot back, "You have two holes, right?" I give up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24565) - you deserved it (37032) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 03/11/2013 at 8:21pm - intimacy - by Lilypad (woman) - Sent from mobile version
Today, thinking my girlfriend had left her little black thong in the dryer to tease me, I sent her a picture of me seductively posing with it. She didn't text back, but a few hours later my 16 year old daughter asked if she'd left anything in the dryer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15889) - you deserved it (40238)
On 03/11/2013 at 5:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35597) - you deserved it (3338)
On 03/11/2013 at 12:17am - love - by lonely girl - United States
Today, a man I once worked with passed away. He was a lovely, caring, and inspirational person whom I looked up to. My husband's form of consolation? "Old people die. Get over it." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25836) - you deserved it (2590)
On 03/10/2013 at 10:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28282) - you deserved it (2526)
On 03/10/2013 at 6:37pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding at the natural foods market. It's the first time I've seen a woman's nipple in over two years. I've been married for ten. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45705) - you deserved it (5625)
On 03/10/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by themouseman1212 - United States
Today, I saw a woman breastfeeding at the natural foods market. It's the first time I've seen a woman's nipple in over two years. I've been married for ten. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45705) - you deserved it (5625)
On 03/10/2013 at 12:13pm - intimacy - by themouseman1212 - United States
Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14170) - you deserved it (49514)
On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version
Monday 20 May 2013
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