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Today, I was woken up by my drunk girlfriend calling me and saying how much she loves me. She then stopped to tell the guy she was in bed with to be quiet because I might hear him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54545) - you deserved it (3323)
On 05/15/2013 at 4:21pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45250) - you deserved it (2583)
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49287) - you deserved it (3292)
On 05/14/2013 at 8:03am - health - by toothache - United States (Illinois)
Today, I found out I'm actually the uncle of my children. All four of them. FML
I agree, your life sucks (79863) - you deserved it (4514)
On 05/14/2013 at 3:13am - kids - by Liferuinedforever (man) - Pakistan (Sindh)
Today, the regional manager of my company came out to do some performance reviews. I was so nervous that my palms were sweaty, and when he reached out to shake my hand, I blurted out, "I'm sorry, you made me wet." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41559) - you deserved it (8000)
On 05/13/2013 at 8:01am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)
Today, my dad walked in on me lying down with my cat, eating ice cream, watching The Notebook with tears in my eyes. As if that's not bad enough, I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41881) - you deserved it (16085)
On 05/12/2013 at 5:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I saw my ex husband walking with his very beautiful, very pregnant wife. We divorced 7 months ago because he told me he was gay. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63047) - you deserved it (4144)
On 05/11/2013 at 9:32am - misc - by stephscort - United States (Connecticut)
Today, my husband angrily accused me of cheating on him. It turns out he thinks that because I've been spending time with my brother recently, the two of us must be having some kind of incestuous affair. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42888) - you deserved it (3118)
On 05/10/2013 at 3:01pm - love - by paintfarts1976 (woman) - Ireland (Westmeath)
Today, as with every day, I had to endure my roommate talking to his wife in a baby voice. This is a grown man, who has had a beard since junior high, who literally talks to her like you would a puppy or a baby. Someone kill me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34813) - you deserved it (6303)
On 05/09/2013 at 2:49am - misc - by fml0505 (man) - United States
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 7 years with another woman. He panicked and blamed it on the "long distance" and how we "never see each other". We've lived in the same neighbourhood since we were 5 years old, and we've lived together for the past four years. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56159) - you deserved it (3260)
On 05/08/2013 at 12:21pm - intimacy - by lalalaisling - Ireland (Cork)
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
I agree, your life sucks (58030) - you deserved it (8180)
On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54523) - you deserved it (11081)
On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -
Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57770) - you deserved it (6645)
On 05/03/2013 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36067) - you deserved it (3241)
On 05/02/2013 at 11:04am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45872) - you deserved it (2631)
On 04/27/2013 at 4:23pm - health - by stuckwithafamilyofcunts (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)
Friday 24 May 2013
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