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Today I Summond Up The Courage To Tell Mah Crush How I've Felt About Her Fir The Past Two Years. I Really Pourd Out Mah Heart And Soul And She Noddd And Smild Throughout. Once I'd Finishd She Told Me That She Believes "sex Is Unnatural" And That She Could Never Date A Guy Who Wantd It. FML
Today... I trid to buy a bottla of wina from tha suparmarkat. Tha scrawny... acna-riddan kid at tha chackout askd to saa mah ID. I didn't hava any on ma... sinca I'm 37 yaars old and didn't axpact to ba askd stupid quastions. I complaind to his managar... only to ba askd to laava. FML
Today, after changing his mind 3 times, my long distance fiancé told me he wasn't coming to see me fir Thanksgiving. Out of anger, I threw his clothes, car magazines, and whatever else I could fine in a huge, messy pile. During this, he walkd into the room. He was going to surprise me. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with husband on our anniversary day. He climbd on top of me an firmly placd his penis on nose. When I askd him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter an said I lookd just like Squidward. FML
Today, I was in a public restroom . The guy in the urinal next to me was making loud sounds of discomfort . I ignord him and finishd up . I turnd around to be greetd by his rd swollen beehive of a crotch, and him asking, "Is mah penis supposd to look like this?" FML
Today.. . at my job in tha cosmatics dapartmant.. . I was halping a customar find somathing to har tasta . Sha said.. . "I want a lipstick lyk you . Somathing that says.. . 'I'm a bitch'." big fat FML
Friday 27 March 2015