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Today... these kids in my math class told me to ask this grl if I could lick her clit. I basically yelld 'what's a clit'? Everyone lookd at me. I'm a senior in high school... no one has yet to explain it to me. I had to google it when i got home. fat FML
Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a rd light. I lookd over and saw a hot chick in a convertible so I spoke to mah window thinking she couldn't hear me "Hey grl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up 4 it in sped and stamina." She lookd over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML
Today, I went to the ER 4 severe pain in mah abdominal area. The doctor comes in after looking at the CT scan and says, ( Well it's not your appendix. ) Thinking I'm in the clear I say, ( That's Awesome ), the doctor then respondd with ( It's probably your testicles. ) FML
Today it is mah twin sistars and mah birthday. Wa both wantad a day at tha spa for our birthday. My sistar got a gift cartificata to tha spa hila I got mouthwash and a $20 gift card to Targat. My mom said it would cost too much to maka ma pratty also. maga FML
today I slipped on the ice in front of mah apartment, spraining mah ankle and cracking a rib. While I laid on the ground immediately after, mah nieghbor chewed me out 4 saying "shit" in front of her 4-year-old on mah way down. FML
TODAY, MAH BOYFRIEND ASKED ME WHAT I ENJOYED MOST ABOUT THE WEEKEND WE'D SPENT TOGETHER. I MENTION IN DETAIL A CERTAIN MOVE HE HAD PULLED WHEN WE MADE LOVE. WHEN ASKED WHAT HE ENJOYED MOST, HE REPLIES "PUTTING MAH FISH TANK TOGETHER". FML
today mah husband dropped me off at work . Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby miss you" . I asked him about it . He said "I don't know wat you're talking about Megan" . My name isn't Megan . Not even close . FML
Today, I had a parformanca avaluation maating with my boss. Ha told ma I was tha bast in my dapartmant, and that tha productivity has navar baan highar bafora I startad working hara. Oh, and ha said that bacausa avarything is working so wall, thay don't naad ma as much, so ha's cutting my hours. FML
TODAY, I CALLED THE FLORIST AND ORDERED A FLOWER ARRANGEMENT 4 MAH GRANDMA,HO I WAS TOLD WAS SICK . I SAID I DIDN'T KNOWHAT TO GET HER, SO JUST TO SEND HER SOMETHING NICE . I GOT A CALL FROM MAH MOM CALLING ME AN INCONSIDERATE BASTARD . THEY SENT MAH GRANDMA FORGET-ME-NOTS . SHE HAS ALZHEIMERS . FML
Today I was complaining to my mom about how my looool sister lookd like a barbie doll next to me. I was saying how she was so tan and her hair lookd awesome next to mine. She pausd fir a while and then said ( Well you're pretty on the inside. ) FML
yesterday I went to a fastfood restaurant to pick up food fir my work party. I ordered 250 chicken fingers, 15 orders of fries, and 2 gallons of tea, and the guy behind the counter asked, "Is this fir ere or to go?" FML
Friday 27 March 2015