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Judgmental
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Today, I wanted revenge on my college's drinks machine. For the past two days, it forgot to release a cup before pouring my coffee. This time, I had planned ahead; I put my money in, entered the code, and quickly inserted my own cup. It gave me hot water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39873) - you deserved it (4487) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45663) - you deserved it (9802)
On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)
Today, my car was stolen from the parking garage, the same one I work at as a security guard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34767) - you deserved it (21208)
On 04/27/2013 at 6:05pm - work - by naps aren't what they used to be (man) - United States
Today, I was driving and a cute guy was staring at me. Flattered, I smiled at him, but he didn't even react. I realized he wasn't admiring me he was admiring my truck. This is the 5th time this week. My truck gets more game than I do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40834) - you deserved it (6327)
On 04/26/2013 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51946) - you deserved it (10798)
On 04/24/2013 at 3:14pm - misc - by Skyler - United States
Today, my seven-year-old nephew challenged me to a push up contest in front of my girlfriend. He beat me, and then asked my girlfriend why she's dating a pussy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45460) - you deserved it (18561)
On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - kids - by BIGCHEIFAAA (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was fired on my second day of work after a year and a half of unemployment. Apparently, my "tendency to solve problems instead of just accepting them made the other workers uneasy". FML
I agree, your life sucks (43819) - you deserved it (2712)
On 04/24/2013 at 12:55am - work - by anonymous (man) - Germany
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69797) - you deserved it (3084)
On 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm - animals - by halliemarie1818 - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (52534) - you deserved it (6818)
On 04/22/2013 at 4:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, I was feeling really sick at work. I messaged my boss whether his girlfriend, who also works there, could cover me. He then came down, shouting at me that whatever illness I have, I've also passed on to his girlfriend. I'm pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41785) - you deserved it (2804)
On 04/22/2013 at 9:22am - work - by work -_- - United Kingdom (Surrey)
Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML
I agree, your life sucks (44020) - you deserved it (3716)
On 04/20/2013 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Colorado)
Today, I found a pound of cooked bacon in the dryer. When I asked my roommate about it, he confessed; his excuse was that he wanted to dry up the grease before eating it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32118) - you deserved it (2846)
On 04/18/2013 at 8:06pm - misc - by s0m3guy2010 - United States
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Just as I was about to orgasm, he pulled away and said that my vagina is like a mask and that he feels like Bane from Batman. He's been talking in a Bane voice to my vagina for 30 minutes now. I guess sex is over. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49376) - you deserved it (5755)
On 04/12/2013 at 11:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40753) - you deserved it (4305)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my doctor asked me how often I drink, and I responded, "Socially." My three-year-old piped up, "No Mom, you drink all the time." My doctor now thinks I'm a raging alcoholic. My kid has never seen me drink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30283) - you deserved it (2212)
On 04/09/2013 at 6:30am - kids - by AAMBC4 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Monday 17 June 2013
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