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emorockerownage's favorite FMLs
Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML
by Boredom / 01/26/2009 at 4:09pm / United States / Intimacy
by Noname / 01/24/2009 at 2:14pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML
by killmyself / 01/23/2009 at 2:50pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Nik / 01/23/2009 at 10:41am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by stellarshaun / 01/16/2009 at 5:10pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by james / 12/14/2008 at 8:14am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML
by Black / 12/11/2008 at 10:31pm / Lebanon (Beqaa) / Intimacy
by Mak1 / 12/05/2008 at 3:12am / Belgium (Brabant) / Intimacy
Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML
by USSEYL / 11/25/2008 at 11:43pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy
by ptiluinthesky / 11/23/2008 at 9:56pm / Intimacy
Today, my 14-year-old little sister asked me how I felt when I had my first sexual intercourse. I told her it was personal and was none of her business. She then looked at me and said "I thought it was nice". I'm 19 and I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, when I woke up, my husband was already up. Thinking I hear him in the hall I shout out "come on, don't be shy, bring that cock in here right now!". A voice replies: "he's gone out to get some bread". It was my mother-in-law. FML
by Tinker-Bell / 11/20/2008 at 10:41pm / Intimacy