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emorockerownage's favorite FMLs
by poopiemanlol / 12/01/2009 at 5:24pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML
by xXxJoe16xXx / 12/01/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in class. I am an older student going back for my PhD. I was kicked out of class for "sassing" my instructor for telling him he was wrong about what took place at an event I was actually present at. My instructor is a 22 year old TA. FML
by sassman / 12/01/2009 at 2:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was the only employee at a video store where I work when it got robbed. After crying, shaking and spending two hours and dealing with the police, my boss called and told me it was good experience and I would know what to do next time, then made me finish my shift, the night shift, alone. FML
by HP_22 / 12/01/2009 at 11:17am / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I finally released my first music album. I dropped out of college to pay for it after my friends who liked my music urged me to. They keep telling me how much they love the CD. I've only sold one copy. Turns out they put it on a sharing site so only one of them would have to buy it. FML
by Rob / 12/01/2009 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML
by toastedguy / 12/01/2009 at 12:00am / United States (Louisiana) / Love
by PntsLessWonder / 11/30/2009 at 11:53pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by Cpm / 11/30/2009 at 8:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, at 4am, I remembered that I had not studied for my Spanish exam. I panicked, jumped out of bed, and frantically began searching for my notebook. It wasn't until I destroyed my desk and woke up my roommate that I realized that I'm not enrolled in Spanish this semester. It was a nightmare. FML
by Stressmess / 11/30/2009 at 7:19pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 4:35pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in line at the grocery store with my 3-year-old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had on it a cow wearing sunglasses. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML
by annonymous / 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, we rearranged the bedroom and my boyfriend and I switched sides of the bed. When the alarm went off, he got confused as to which side the clock was on. Instead of hitting the snooze button like he normally does, he hit me in the face. FML
by SoVeryMonday / 11/30/2009 at 1:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I took my girlfriend's 4-year-old son and four of his friends to the amusement park. While walking down a hill, I slipped on some water and slid down the hill, taking out multiple children. It wasn't rain. I'd slid on vomit. FML
by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 12:22pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
by destiny147 / 11/30/2009 at 7:17am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Love
by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 2:37am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because… Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,…